I have been so discouraged lately that today I’m going to write an entire post on things I am thankful for.

I’m thankful for the Lord and that He is always with me.

I am thankful for my church and the Godly leadership of our pastors and elders. I am thankful for the support from our church family even though I am not able to be there in person right now. It’s hard to believe that we have only been there once since covid started. I miss worshipping with our church family every week. I pray that one day I will be physically strong enough to sit in a chair for the duration of the service and that I will be comfortable enough being inside a room where many people are close together and are not wearing masks.

I am thankful for our parents and their love and support throughout the good and the bad times in our lives.

I am thankful for my husband. He is an amazing Godly man. He is a wonderful supportive husband that would do anything for me. He is a great father to our three children and one fur baby. He is a man of integrity and I believe that stands out to others in his job. He has a fantastic work ethic and will do whatever he needs to, to get his job done to the best of his ability. I recorded this video about how my husband inspires me about 5 1/2 years ago. I teared up when I watched it again, but I mean every single word of it.

I am thankful for our three children and the joy they bring to my life.

I’m thankful for my sister-in-law and the friendship we are developing by video chatting every week.

I’m thankful for our extended family and the wonderful memories we have made over the years and will continue to make in years to come.

I am thankful for my friends. So many of them seem like family right now.  I am ready for covid to be over so I can see them and hug them again!!

I am thankful for my lungs and that I can breathe! It’s not always as comfortable as I would like it to be, but I am getting enough oxygen for my body to be alive.

I am thankful for my heart that is beating. Even though it is beating fast, it’s doing its job and I am alive.

I am thankful that Oliver is doing better today after his shots on Tuesday. Our poor little guy has been hurting so much and limping around for the last day and a half. This morning he is running around like a maniac so he must be feeling better. I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for the many meals that have been provided for us and will be provided for us in the future. I am thankful that that gives Tom a break a few nights a week.

I am thankful that we are going to start having someone come in and clean our house again every other week! I am very thankful for the burden this will take off of Tom.

I am thankful for our beautiful home and thankful for wisdom from the Lord 11 years ago that led us to buy a one-story home. I am so thankful I don’t have to worry about climbing stairs to get to our bedroom.

I am thankful for my medical team that is working to keep me alive and as comfortable as long as possible. They are some of the most kind and caring people I have ever met.

I am thankful for God’s provision for our family through my husband’s job and for the good medical insurance it provides for us.

I am thankful for a wonderful school district and for caring teachers that have had to learn a whole new way of teaching this year because of covid.

I am thankful for technology and the ways it keeps us connected and makes our lives easier (at least most of the time when it’s working properly.)

I am thankful for my adjustable base bed and for my recliner that both give me comfortable places to sit or lay at home.

I am thankful for streaming services online that entertain me.

I am thankful for my Kindle and the few authors that I have found recently whose books I have enjoyed reading.

I am thankful for modern medicine that is helping keep me alive and as pain-free as possible.

Lastly, I am thankful that my breathing has not gotten any worse since yesterday. I am thankful that I don’t feel pressure on my chest anymore and that my wet cough has gone away. Now we just wait and see if the antibiotics can help my shortness of breath when I start to talk or do anything.

I’m sure there are many more things I could write, but that’s a pretty big list that I came up with today. I have so much to be thankful for.

Something hasn’t been right since I drained the fluid from my lung on Saturday. When I talked to the doctor on Monday, I said I would monitor it at home and get back to him on Wednesday if it had not improved.

A wet cough woke me up quite a few times last night, even sleeping elevated. We drained the fluid from my lung again this morning and there was not much improvement after doing that. So we talked to the oncology nurse and then packed up and headed to the ER so they could do a CT and try to figure out why my breathing is so labored. I am getting enough oxygen, it is just very uncomfortable.

Ever since I drained the fluid from around my lung two days ago, things haven’t felt quite the same. Today I was having trouble sitting and talking without getting out of breath. The doctor did an x-ray while I was at chemo and everything looked normal (well normal for me).

The X-ray showed a partially collapsed lung with some fluid. He gave me a couple options. He said I could go to the ER and have some more tests done, or I could monitor my breathing at home and let him know in a day or two if it was the same or has gotten any better.

This week the girls are on mid-winter break, so I booked a new vacation rental in our same town for a few nights. It’s called The Abode at Cedar River.

Hooray! Things are moving without too much pain. I could elaborate, but I don’t think that’s necessary!

The pain patches are working at the higher dose. I still have to take some oxy during the day, but not consistently. Our little trip away was hard on my body, so I might not need as many when I get home.

I am losing my patience – how long does it take to figure out the correct dosage of pain medicine? Apparently longer than I thought!

I went up to 1 100 microgram patch and 3 25 microgram patches. That is still not enough so I am going up to 2 100 microgram patches. It will be great when we get this figured out. I just really want it to be soon! You know how much I love to be in pain…..

If you don’t want to read about bowel movements you can just stop reading now….

My trial taking half the constipation medicine in the morning and half at night did not work. There were no side effects, but also no bowel movements. Strange.

I know I said I would post more about my emotions and how I’m feeling after my last scan, but I’m still not feeling great and that’s going to be a longer post. So here’s a quick update on how I’m feeling.

I’m still trying to figure out that constipation medicine. I need the full strength of it but my body can’t handle it all at once. So today I took half a pill this morning and I’m going to take half a pill right before I go to bed. Hopefully I will be able to sleep. If not, I will get through a lot of episodes of Heartland.

We just finished our doctor appointment and talking about my scan results and the decision we need to make. The current scan shows that everything is stable – nothing’s really better and nothing’s really worse. There was no indicator as to why my pain has gotten worse over the past few weeks, which was what led us to trying a different pain medication (the fentanyl patch) and the difficulty of finding the right dose, which is what caused my severe pain over the weekend.

We need to make the decision of whether to:

My pain is still relatively under control and the last time I took my oxy, I only took three and I’m doing okay. I am now on my second patch and I’m still praying for wisdom for the doctor as I talk to him about it tomorrow. Thank you God for a little bit of relief from pain.

While I’m sad that it is the end of the weekend because that means my husband has to go back to work and the girls have to go back to school tomorrow, I am thankful that it means I am closer to getting answers.

My stomach is slowly settling down and feeling better today, which I’m thankful for. However, the pain all over my body has been horrible. I hardly slept at all last night. Right now I’m regretting switching over to the fentanyl patch as this pain is much worse than I was having before.