My pain is still relatively under control and the last time I took my oxy, I only took three and I’m doing okay. I am now on my second patch and I’m still praying for wisdom for the doctor as I talk to him about it tomorrow. Thank you God for a little bit of relief from pain.

While I’m sad that it is the end of the weekend because that means my husband has to go back to work and the girls have to go back to school tomorrow, I am thankful that it means I am closer to getting answers.

Today I was out of bed and in my recliner quite a bit. That means I had more time to chat with my husband and kids, and to watch Oliver terrorize us. Oh puppy bitting……good thing he is so cute!

Tom and I went on a car date this afternoon. We drove through Starbucks and got a drink and then just drove around for about a half hour talking. We didn’t have an agenda or any specific place to drive to, I just asked him if we could get out of the house and be together.

We talked about many different things, not all of them cancer-related and I tried not to bring up the topic of work because I didn’t want him to start thinking about it again before he has to.

One thing we did talk about was my scan. What would a good scan look like to us? Obviously, to me, a good scan would mean the chemo is working and killing cancer cells which in turn relieves pain and gives me back some quality of life. It would also mean there would be a reduction in fluid around my lungs. That’s what a good scan would be for me.

However, is that even possible? Or does a good scan mean chemo is killing cancer cells, but this is as good as my quality of life will be? Can I go backwards? Can I get to where I can walk around the block again or even to where I can walk down the street again? Can I get to where I feel okay enough to have friends over instead of just talking on the phone? Will I always look this sick when I look in the mirror?

That is a big question weighing on both of our minds this evening.

I spent a long time in prayer this afternoon and wrote out every single feeling and emotion I was having. Tears were streaming down my face as I was typing, but it felt so good to get it out.

I read through verses and listened to songs that many of you sent to me as encouragement. I also looked back through emails that I saved from my original diagnosis in 2015. One email was from my friend Christy, who is such an amazing friend and always points me towards the Lord. In it, she shared this blog post by John Piper. It’s a post he wrote the night before he went in for prostate surgery. It was an encouragement to me then and was again today. It’s a great read if you have a few minutes.

I am thankful for another day of life. Thank you for being on this journey with us.