We just finished our doctor appointment and talking about my scan results and the decision we need to make. The current scan shows that everything is stable – nothing’s really better and nothing’s really worse. There was no indicator as to why my pain has gotten worse over the past few weeks, which was what led us to trying a different pain medication (the fentanyl patch) and the difficulty of finding the right dose, which is what caused my severe pain over the weekend.

We need to make the decision of whether to:

  • Stay on this medicine, knowing that things will not get better than they are now and could continue to stay the same or possibly get worse
  • Switch chemo medications and see if the cancer responds better to it, not knowing how my body would respond to it as far as side effects and quality of life
  • Take a short break from treatment and see if I can gain some strength and then start up again, knowing that the cancer could grow during the break
  • Stop treatment if I’m just too tired and weary of it.

It’s a hard decision to make as we are not only looking at how I’m feeling and how the cancer is progressing, but we are looking at my quality of life, or lack there of.  We are going to pray and think about it for about a week.  During that week I also have appointments with my counselor and my palliative care Dr., so I’m sure we’ll be discussing these options during those appointments.

As far as the pain that I’m still having, Dr. Leung ordered another pain patch that I will add to the one I currently have and that will hopefully take care of the rest of the pain. He’s also made sure that I have enough break through pain pills to take until I get the patch and it has a chance to absorb in my system.

That’s it for now.  I’m a bit overwhelmed and am looking forward to just resting the rest of the evening. I’ll write more about my emotions and what’s going on in my mind another time.  I’m too drained to do that now.