cropped-butterfly-2.pngI’m sorry you found my blog.

HA!  What a funny thing to say on a blog!!  But seriously, if you landed here, you either know me, or know someone that has cancer.  That’s why I’m sorry!


I hate that word.

I remember sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s listening to the Dr. tell me that while it was not likely I would get Ocular Melanoma like my Mom, 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their life.  Since all of my Grandparents and my Mom have died of some type of cancer, I knew my day would come.  I just never thought my diagnosis would be the day after my 41st birthday and as a mother of a 10, 7 and 6 year old.

Fast forward 4 years (October 2019) and the cancer has returned in other bones.  So here we are, ready to fight again…and looking to be on some sort of treatment for the rest of my life.

This blog is my journey as I fight to leave cancer behind and move on in my life.

I should probably back up and introduce myself . . . my name is Jennifer.  I’m a Christ follower, married to an amazing man (who happens to be a chef turned Co-CEO of a restaurant), have 3 beautiful daughters and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer which originally spread to my sternum, but has now spread to quite a few other bones  and one of my lungs as well.

I know it can be confusing when you stumble upon a new blog, so let me help you get started.

  • I have a blog to keep track of my thoughts and to let friends and family know what’s going on.
  • You can get to know our family or read my personal testimony here.
  • As I’ve been going through different procedures, I’ve written down what it was like.  You can find a list of those over in the side bar (or down at the bottom if you are on a mobile device).
  • Click here to receive an email when I publish new posts.
  • And finally, if you noticed above that I’m married to a chef and think that must be the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, click here and browse through my blog about what it’s really like to be married to a chef.  (I love blogging.  Can you tell?)


Here’s what’s going on with me right now . . .

Pain report and upcoming scans

I’m happy to report that my pain pump is working well. It seems to be the right dose now and I hardly have to take any oxycodone or use the extra medicine from the pain pump. Once we get through the refill process and things seem ok, we’ll start talking about taking another patch off.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, I have an appointment at 1 pm to have my pain pump refilled. I know the procedure and what is coming , but I’ll be honest, I’m very scared. I’m scared about pain. Even though the Dr. says I shouldn’t have any pain from the refill, I am very scared. Ever since my time in the hospital in severe pain, my brain thinks about things differently. I’m struggling with severe anxiety, about everything. I felt so out of control in pain for so long, I’m afraid of that happening again.

read more…

Long day at the infusion center yesterday

My trip to the infusion center on Monday was the longest one I have ever had. I was there from 11am – 6:20 pm. My hemoglobin level has been creeping down and yesterday it got low enough that we had to call the Dr. before starting chemo. He approved chemo because all of my other labs were ok. However, he ordered a blood transfusion for after chemo. That’s why I was there so long.

read more…

Website troubles and the upcoming week

I’m sorry if you were not able to access the website last time I posted. It’s been fixed and you can see the post here if you missed it.

This week doesn’t involve too many appointments. Monday, I will be at the infusion center for a while. Right at the end of my time there, Dr. Otsu is coming to meet me to adjust my pain pump again. Please pray for the timing on this, so that I won’t be waiting around for a long time. He’s supposed to come around the time I’m usually finishing up. I’m anxious about the timing, which is dumb, because I’m not in control of it and can’t do anything about it. It’s just another thing out of my control that makes me anxious. I also have a telehealth appointment on Thursday afternoon with my Palliative Care Nurse practitioner.

read more…

Weather, pain, breathing, life….

The weather has been lovely here…but the mid to high 80’s without any breeze has been a bit to warm for us. It has cooled off today and we are thankful for that. We love being able to escape to our back deck.

I have been able to visit with a few friends lately, including Jim and Judy Jansen who were my second parents growing up! It’s nice to be able to spend time with friends when I am up for it. Most of the time it’s a last minute thing.

read more…

Pain update

While I was at the infusion center today. Dr. Otsu came by and turned up the meds in my pain pump as it’s still not quite right. I have a feeling we will be tweaking it a lot as we try and wean off the last 150mcg of Fentanyl patches I still have on my back. I hope it’s worth it in the end!

read more…

Just call me 2127

Yep. 2127 is my name…..I mean room number. Actually I can now say it WAS my room number.

I am officially discharged from the hospital. My surgery was last Tuesday at 12:30ish and it is now the next Monday. Ugh!

I can’t believe I was in the hospital an entire week. That is crazy!

read more…

Why Did I Have Surgery?

I have asked myself that question quite a few times this week.  At first I was really concerned we had made a bad decision,  but I still do think it was for the best IF I can get through this!

The problem was, is that my body was in a lot of pain and I kept having to go up on my pain meds,  causing some side effects.  This pain pump delivers the meds I need right to the spinal cord fluid and I can add a bolus (more meds. to help with breakthrough pain) 10x a day if I need it. I can go up much higher with this pain pump because it is so diluted, than with oral or patch pain meds, without big side effects. (At least that is what it is supposed to do.)

read more…

Meet Jennifer

Breast Cancer Patient, Chef Wife and Mom

email sign up


verses of encouragement
How to help a friend or family member with cancer
Resources for Cancer 'Patients
cancer insurance

What to Expect:

Breast Biopsy
PET Scan
port surgery
neuropathy after chemo