(Written on Saturday)
This whole “living one day at a time thing” is hard.
If you’ve been following me on this journey for any amount of time, you know I struggle with letting my mind wander and worry about all the possible “what-ifs” of my diagnosis. The only way I have been able to function is to remember that God has given me TODAY. There’s no promise of tomorrow. All I have is today. So I’m focusing on living one day at a time and trusting and knowing that God will be with me, no matter what comes with each new day that He gives me.
Today was a bit of a whirlwind, full of goodbyes, hellos, instruction, exhaustion, frustration, rest, etc. It was one of those days where I’m both physically and emotionally exhausted by the end of the day as a parent.
Another chemo is over. It was uneventful, which I’m thankful for. I rested most of the day afterward, but did get up in the evening to spend time as a family. The neuropathy has spread to my feet. It’s not very bad, and not constant like my hands, but they do occasionally tingle and the tips of my toes and toenails are tender.
I’m thankful for a little bit of energy Wednesday night to play flashlight Capture the Flag and Sardines as a family.
My friend Sarah from college is here for 4 days and has been such a big help. Currently she is spot cleaning the carpet all throughout our home because it hurts my hands to do it (and it’s driving me crazy). Bless her!! We have a few other cleaning projects on the list today and then tomorrow, for her last day here, we are off to meet friends at the Science Center. Hoping I have enough energy to make it through that. 🙂
Happy Valentine’s Day from our family to yours.
I woke up feeling horrible and not being able to speak a word, but am happy to report that my throat seems to be getting a little better as the day goes on. No visit to Urgent Care for me! Woohoo! Going to the girls play last night was hard – sitting next my aunt and uncle and not being able to talk and catch up, not being able to talk to other parents . .. ugh! No fun!!) I’m trying not to talk much and let Tom take care of things with the girls.
This week has been different with the girls at school late into the afternoon/evening. All 3 of them are in Pinnocchio, put on by the Missoula Children’s Theather. They auditioned on Monday, had practices all week after school, and have 2 performances today. It’s a crazy week, and they are VERY excited and have had so much fun. (And so far no major meltdowns, but I’m sure there is at least one to come as they must be totally exhausted!!) Our oldest came to the conclusion that you don’t need to have one of the biggest parts in a play to have fun, and that having less lines was actually more fun, because it wasn’t as stressful. As a mom, I’m very happy to hear this as she has such big dreams, hopes, ideas, projects, etc.
Well, 13 rounds of chemo done and 3 more to go!!
The end is in sight and I’m so glad! Today went well. We were out of the infusion center by 11:45 and I was able to rest the rest of the day. The girls are in a play on Saturday at school and have practice after school all week, so I get a little extra time to rest in a quiet home,. (And we’ll have some pretty tired kids by the end of the week!)
I haven’t written much lately, mostly because I’m afraid what I write will just come across as complaining. I typed up my long list of complaints and frustrations and cried as I told my husband all of them. He suggested I not post the list – lol – (which I was never planning on) but it sure felt good to write it.
I know I’m struggling with depression. There’s not much to look forward to, although I do see the end of chemo in sight and am very excited about that! It’s not easy to get up every morning, not knowing how I’m going to feel and knowing that little things, like moving clothes from the washer to the dryer or untieing my shoes, will hurt. I struggle to get past that.
I’m trying really hard to limit my time on Facebook (which is such a time waster for me) and instead trying to pick up a book, listen to music, read scripture, etc.
Today was my 4th infusion of Taxol (12 total). So I’m 1/3 of the way done. Yay!
My port worked on the first time (so thankful for that) and we were out of the infusion center and home just before noon!! Everything went very smoothly.
The last round was a bit harder than the previous one. After 2 days of being pretty uncomfortable, I sent a message to the Dr. letting him know I was ready to try something for the achiness and pains I was feeling. So I’m armed and ready with a new plan of attack which I’ll start tomorrow (Thursday), the day before I would expect to start feeling the effects from the chemo.
There is something about walking into the Infusion Center that I really hate. Seeing that sign, the fish tank and the little waiting area . . . I just dread walking through the door.
The funny thing is, once I’m through the door, my time there is rather enjoyable.
Tracy greets me by name and gives me a fancy wristband to wear.
I sit and wait for a few minutes and am then greeted by my favorite oncology nurse Jayme.
Then I see how much weight I’ve gained. (I’m not enjoying that!)
Next it’s time to get my blood work going and start the infusion.