I haven’t written much lately, mostly because I’m afraid what I write will just come across as complaining. I typed up my long list of complaints and frustrations and cried as I told my husband all of them. He suggested I not post the list – lol – (which I was never planning on) but it sure felt good to write it.
I know I’m struggling with depression. There’s not much to look forward to, although I do see the end of chemo in sight and am very excited about that! It’s not easy to get up every morning, not knowing how I’m going to feel and knowing that little things, like moving clothes from the washer to the dryer or untieing my shoes, will hurt. I struggle to get past that.
I’m trying really hard to limit my time on Facebook (which is such a time waster for me) and instead trying to pick up a book, listen to music, read scripture, etc.
A few friends have really encouraged me to think hard about what I’m thankful for and to try and focus on those things, even if they are small. So here’s my list for today:
- I’m thankful for time with friends the past two days that encourage me and remind me that I do have hope and who try their best to encourage me and cheer me up.
- I’m thankful for the AWANA Grand Prix this weekend at church (which honestly I usually dread because it seems to go on FOREVER). The girls are very excited to race their cars and I know it will be a nice time to chat with other parents at church, which I rarely get to do.
- I’m thankful for enough energy to go to Costco with my husband today.
- I’m thankful for the chance to go to the gym this morning and “workout”, even if it’s 1/10 of what I could do 5 months ago.
- I’m thankful for a Friday evening to spend as a family. We used to NEVER see my husband on Friday evenings and this evening he is off, will be making us a wonderful dinner, and will be part of our family movie night.
I guess that’s it for today. Thank you for praying with us as we travel this journey.
If there is something specific I can pray for you, please email me and let me know!
So much to be thankful for . . .
So grateful for your honesty ♥ you are in the toughest spot of this journey (physically, which impacts you emotionally). You are in the spot, though, to see the Lord move on your heart, as you yield to Him. Take “shoulda-woulda-coulda” out of your life right now and focus on the Lord as if He were right there (for He is); tell Him your complaints (without any judgement from others), and thank Him that He’s already been with you and will continue to be with you. You ARE growing, though you can’t see it; you ARE healing (your soul), though you can’t see past the blood, sweat and tears of the fight you’re in. You’re on the front lines, Jennifer…and we are with you, praying and maybe even telling you the wrong thing to do sometimes, but as the body of Christ, we cannot but help to be here for you ♥ and your precious family. Fight on sister…look to the road before you, grab God’s hand and keep going ♥ Love your “port sister” (hugs)
🙂 I can always count on you for encouragement! Thanks Debbie!
Sweet lady, you amaze me! You have every right to have negative times and have a complaint list as long as your arm, I feel you should have no guilt for that, we all need to vent. But you have found some many positives too which is fabulous, hang in there mama, hugs xxx
Well, I have a very long arm . . . thank goodness the list is not that long. Looking forward to seeing you a lot this week. Let the craziness begin!!
I’m so glad you’re posting your list of gratitude. I started doing the same thing earlier this year because it’s better to focus on what we’re grateful for, no matter how small those things might be. God is good all the time. Satan always wants us to focus on the negative things. Keep on taking one day at a time, one moment at a time and cherish those. I had a friend, last year, who helped me understand that concept. She said look down at your feet, Bonnie…where are you right now? I looked down at my feet and realized exactly where I was. She wanted me to understand that I needed to be PRESENT in the moment and only focus on being where I was instead of trying to think ahead and plan ahead and be somewhere else in my mind. That simple piece of advice was so helpful. I hope it will help you too. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, look at your feet…see where you are and be there! Wherever you are, God is already there. He always goes before us and prepares the way. Love you pink sister! I’m praying for you daily.
Oh Bonnie . . . I just finished reading your latest blog post. Why is it so hard for us to thank God for the trials in our life? I have thanked Him for trials in my life, after they are over, but thanking Him in the midst is a lot harder. Thanks for the reminder to that this morning! 🙂
Jennifer, Debbie and Bonnie are right… you are doing amazing with what you are having to deal with at the moment. Each day you are moving forward and will never have to deal with that day again. Each day is a new beginning even though it may feel like you’ve been there before. My love, God is with you and knows every thought filling your heart. We each have our cross to bear and the point is to focus on Him during all of it. Seek His smiling face and know He is with us with every beat of our heart. He can calm any storm if we keep our eyes on Him alone. You’re in my prayers and I trust in His love to encourage you and pull you through this trial in blazing victory. My love and prayers are with you …
Thank you Nancy. It does feel like a storm at times. Thankful that no matter how bad the storm gets, He will always be with me. Thanks for the encouragement today.
Praying for you and look forward to seeing you at the Grand Prix!
Let the races begin! See you soon!
Go Jennifer Go!
You have amazing friends encouraging you and that is a gift from God!
How special, another gift, of being together as a family for a meal and movie. Something we often take for granite when it happens more regularly.
This is tough but imagine if you were going it alone and maybe that will help bring some encouragement.
Keeping all of you in my prayers!
Yes! So thankful for friends! I can’t imagine going through this alone!
So sorry you are going thru this, keeping you in prayer.
Thanks for continuing to pray with us Karyn!
Our thoughts and prayers are with you everyday. Be strong in the Lords words and take care of yourself. I am thankful that you have a strong family and friends to help you through the days that are much more difficult. You are one amazing young lady. God bless you, Tom and the girls.
Here’s the verse that I clung to during surgery and chemo:
“The Lord your God is mighty to save,
He will take great delight in you.
He will quiet you with His love;
He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Somehow, the image of my great and mighty God loving and quieting me was a great comfort for me. I hope it is for you as well.
What a great verse! It brought to my mind a song we sung in choir during college based on that verse. I need to go find a recording of it!
Thankfulness really is a game-changer! I often think of that quote that it’s not happy people who are thankful, it’s thankful people who are happy. Thanks for your honestly and for sharing your day to day experiences. Your words have strengthened me many times, Jennifer!