I’m sorry you found my blog.
HA! What a funny thing to say on a blog!! But seriously, if you landed here, you either know me, or know someone that has cancer. That’s why I’m sorry!
Cancer.
I hate that word.
I remember sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s listening to the Dr. tell me that while it was not likely I would get Ocular Melanoma like my Mom, 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their life. Since all of my Grandparents and my Mom have died of some type of cancer, I knew my day would come. I just never thought my diagnosis would be the day after my 41st birthday and as a mother of a 10, 7 and 6 year old.
Fast forward 4 years (October 2019) and the cancer has returned in other bones. So here we are, ready to fight again…and looking to be on some sort of treatment for the rest of my life.
This blog is my journey as I fight to leave cancer behind and move on in my life.
I should probably back up and introduce myself . . . my name is Jennifer. I’m a Christ follower, married to an amazing man (who happens to be a chef turned Co-CEO of a restaurant), have 3 beautiful daughters and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer which originally spread to my sternum, but has now spread to quite a few other bones and one of my lungs as well.
I know it can be confusing when you stumble upon a new blog, so let me help you get started.
- I have a blog to keep track of my thoughts and to let friends and family know what’s going on.
- You can get to know our family or read my personal testimony here.
- As I’ve been going through different procedures, I’ve written down what it was like. You can find a list of those over in the side bar (or down at the bottom if you are on a mobile device).
- Click here to receive an email when I publish new posts.
- And finally, if you noticed above that I’m married to a chef and think that must be the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, click here and browse through my blog about what it’s really like to be married to a chef. (I love blogging. Can you tell?)
Here’s what’s going on with me right now . . .
New Meds Tomorrow and House Cleaning
It has been pretty uneventful, health wise, since my last post. I was feeling really good on Saturday morning, so we booked a hotel in Portland last minute and drove down for the weekend. We had fun looking around at some Christmas decorations and enjoyed eating at one of Tom’s restaurants. The girls’ behavior was GREAT, which made it a vacation for all of us! Woohoo!
What Does it Really Mean to Take Your Thoughts Captive?
What does it really mean to take our thoughts captive? I have a lot of time on my hands these days as there are many days I don’t have a lot of energy to do much. It’s so easy to let my mind wander . . .
2 Corinthians 10:5 talks about taking our thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. This verse comes up every few months in Bible Study, usually when my friend Amy is teaching. (I can hear her voice in my head saying the verse and picture her speaking.) 🙂 When it came up again earlier this week as I was doing my devotions one morning, it hit me differently. It had been a hard few days, as the days after chemo usually are.
Sleeping it off . . .
That past few days have gone by fast. Thursday, I was feeling very tired and nauseous, but I just decided to push through as long as I could and get stuff done around the house and enjoy the last day we had with my Dad. (He’s now on a train heading home.)
Friday, I woke up very fatigued and achy and ended up taking Tylenol PM in the early afternoon and slept most of the afternoon/evening and then all night. It was much nicer to just sleep it off than lay in bed uncomfortable all day. I was also a bit off balance and was moving very slowly when I was up (which was not much).
Chemo Round 4
Yesterday I went in for my labs and my port worked on the first try! Woohoo!! So thankful for that!
After my labs were drawn, we (Tom, my Dad and I) went over to see Dr. Leung, my oncologist. He feels the tumors are softening around the edges still, but they have not decreased in size yet.
He asked about new side effects and I told him about the peripheral neuropathy (tingling in my fingers and toes and one day in my right arm). He is concerned about this, as it is not a very common side effect for the meds I’m on right now, but when we switch meds in a few weeks, it is a very common side effect. So he mentioned the possibility of slowing down those treatments/doses (once a week for 12 weeks instead of every other week for 8 weeks). He said that could lessen the chance of permanent nerve damage from the medicine. So we are waiting to see what my body does this round of treatment and then will decide in the next two weeks which route to go.
That’s about it from yesterday . . .
When Saying, “Thank You” Doesn’t Feel Like Enough
I don’t deserve any of this. It’s just cancer. Yet all of this happened this weekend because of the cancer.
What a weekend. Well really 4 days, Thursday – Sunday.
Let’s start with Thanksgiving . . .
I have so much to be thankful for.
God’s grace and what He did for me (us) on the cross.
A beautiful family who loves me, with or without hair, in good times and hard times.
A warm home.
Food on the table (currently being prepared by a very talented chef).
Friends and neighbors who go above and beyond anything I could ever ask or even dream of.
This leads me to the rest of the weekend . . . Friday . . .
I love where we live. However, each year at this time, leaves cover our entire yard and are a few inches thick. It’s a big task to get them all picked up and a task that we can’t do ourselves this year. When Tom broke his back 4 years ago, a family from our church showed up unannounced one morning and took care of all the leaves for us. They didn’t ask. They just saw the need and showed up.
When Will It Seem Real?
I’ve asked myself this question many times since September when I found out I had cancer. When will it seem real? Yes, I’ve been diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. I’ve had 3 rounds of chemo and lost my hair. My life looks nothing like it did in August. But yet it still didn’t seem real.
Until Sunday . . .
Sunday night as I laid in bed with our 11 year old sitting next to me and Tom standing beside the bed just holding my hand . . . it hit me. I am fighting cancer. Life is very different.
I think it’s a combination of things that make this disease seem real to me now.
Day 2 – 4 Update
Not feeling well today but here’s a quick update . . .
Thursday was a better day that expected. I was able to go to Bible Study and then got my shot. I was up and around with the girls which enabled Tom to go out and work for a bit.
Friday morning was totally different. I hate that shot!! Even with Claritin, I’m achy. 🙁 So that meant a day of laying in bed for me, dozing off and on.
Meet Jennifer
Breast Cancer Patient, Chef Wife and Mom
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