Scanxiety 2.0

It’s that time of year again…time for a scan.  A PET scan to be exact.

I am so thankful I blogged throughout this journey, as I’ve been able to go back and see how I was feeling last year before my scan and remind myself that I did, in fact, survive Scanxiety 1.0 twelve months ago, and I’m sure I will survive Scanxiety 2.0 this week.

As I read back on what I was feeling a year ago, I am feeling pretty much the same way…anxious thoughts…pray…repeat…anxious thoughts….ouch my back is hurting again…pray…etc. (more…)

Thoughts on Being Radioactive

My PET scan is done and was uneventful.  🙂

Here was my view as I was being injected with the radioactive isotope that will light up on the scan if there are any clusters of cancer cells.  (more…)

Scanxiety

Scanxiety – (Noun) The feeling of terror and dread that one experiences as they await the results of a scan, once again faced with the possible return of cancer.

Scanxiety.

It’s a word I had never hear until about a year ago.

It’s real. Oh my…is it real.

Here’s how my days have gone the past few days…my mind starts worrying that the PET scan will light up like a Christmas tree, showing the cancer has returned…stop thinking that and remind myself that the Bible says not to worry, but to pray about everything.  And even if the cancer has returned, remember that God will be with us through whatever treatment is ahead. REPEAT.

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Good News on Good Friday

I slept well last night and was at peace as we walked into the doctor’s office.  (Although I did tear up as Tom and I prayed before we went into the office.)  Thank you to everyone who was praying for this!

Talking with the Dr. this morning, he asked how I was doing.  I told him about my cough that’s annoying and won’t go away.  His response after listening to me breathe was, “I don’t think we need to treat it with antibiotics since your lungs didn’t show an infection and since your scan was good.”

“Wait.  It was good?  How good is good?”

“As good as we could have hoped for.”

Sigh of relief!  Praise God!

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Another Scan Done

Thanks for praying for my scan this morning.  I slept well (with the exception of one coughing attack late last night).  I had no trouble with my blood sugar, my port was cooperative and they only had to redo one small part of the scan because I must have moved my nose.  Apparently in the scan she could see 3 noses.  Oops!

While I was waiting an hour for the radioactive stuff to move around my body, I read my Bible passages for the day (I’m reading through the Bible in a year) and listened to Pandora.  A couple songs that came on while I was sitting there resting were absolutely perfect and just what I needed. (more…)

Tears, Brain Fog and Fingernails

I’ve been doing really well, not letting fear getting the best of me the past few weeks. Tonight has been a little harder. It started off looking for a picture of one of the girls when tears began to fall. I’m not sure why pictures triggered my emotions, but they did. Then I spent about 20 minutes in our office with Tom on the piano and me calling out songs for him to play. More tears then. I love this man so much. Then listening to the kids play and Tom laugh. Next listening to Tom play the piano again and the kids sing. I’m just a ball of emotions. . . tears coming and going.

Not knowing what the future holds is so difficult. I know that I’ve really never known what the future holds, but waiting for this scan on Thursday and then the results the next day to see what the next months of our lives are going to look is really hard.

Yet in the midst of all the tears, I look to the weened. I think of Christ on the cross, taking the punishment for my sins. I think of God’s grace, which I do not deserve. I think of the resurrection and what it must have been like for his followers to see the empty tomb. More tears . . . Different, but still tears. It’s really overwhelming to think that he did all that for (us).

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