Scanxiety – (Noun) The feeling of terror and dread that one experiences as they await the results of a scan, once again faced with the possible return of cancer.
Scanxiety.
It’s a word I had never hear until about a year ago.
It’s real. Oh my…is it real.
Here’s how my days have gone the past few days…my mind starts worrying that the PET scan will light up like a Christmas tree, showing the cancer has returned…stop thinking that and remind myself that the Bible says not to worry, but to pray about everything. And even if the cancer has returned, remember that God will be with us through whatever treatment is ahead. REPEAT.
My brain is tired from doing that over and over and over and over and over…well you get the picture.
Tomorrow I have a PET scan, not because we think the cancer has returned, but because that’s just what you do when you have Stage IV cancer. You keep monitoring it. Tom is taking the morning off to go with me and I am thankful to have found a friend that doesn’t have school aged kids to get out the door or start school with in the morning, to come early to help get the girls off to school. I check in at 8 and the scan is at 9:30.
I have an appointment to hear the results on Monday at 9:20. Please pray I will continue to replace my scanxiety with prayer. For that appointment, Shanna is going with me as Tom will be out of town for work. We decided to keep that appointment even though he is gone, otherwise we would have to wait an entire week. No thank you. 🙂 I hesitate to write that on a blog, but would really like you to pray for us being apart at that time. If we get good news, it will be fine. If we don’t, it will still be fine, but he’ll be getting on a plane and coming home and I will end up telling the girls by myself as I know they will ask the second they walk in the door from school (or the second our oldest pulls out her phone on the bus – maybe even during lunch if she is thinking about it).
Thanks for praying with us. If I can pray for you, please send me a message. I’ll have a couple hours tomorrow morning when I have to lay still and quiet with not much to do. 🙂 (And of course I can pray other times too!)
PS: The new hormone blocking pill seems to have less side effects. I was feeling pretty depressed yesterday, but am better today. Could be situational or it could be a side effect. I’m not sure at this point. But I’m tracking EVERYTHING, so we’ll see…
Scanxiety! Know that demon. Praying for you! Have you heard the song: ‘Thy Will Be Done’? It really really helped me get function while waiting for my liver MRI results. Praying for God’s abundant provision.
Oh, and me and my kiddos could benefit from your prayers:my mom had knee surgery today and I’m juggling several irons in the fire: my mom, my dad, my kids, my hubby, and me. Thank you!
Feeling sad that you have to go through this. Ours prayers are with you. As l have said many times you Jennifer Small are one of the strongest woman I know. Will be thinking and praying that all will be good.
Lord God, I pray you fill Jennifer with peace, calmness and rest tonight! Love you friend and will ckntinue to pray
Prayers continue for you, Tom and the girls. For you, as you have the scan tomorrow and then have to wait for the results until Monday. And for Tom as he’s far from home and would rather be with you when you receive the news, (praying that it will be GOOD!). Finally for your girls because waiting for them is difficult as well.
May His peace guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. He is our solid Rock!
Love and prayers!
Lisa
Almighty God, you are doing such an amazing work in Jennifer’s life. We pray for comfort and healing throughout her body. Lift her up as she walks thru this with you by her side. Amen
The scan date has been on my calendar since you posted it and yes you have my prayers. It is easy to say all will be well, but it truly will because you are God’s daughter. Our awesome, powerful, gracious, loving God knows your past and your future. He will meet your needs every step of the way. Give your fears over to Him and He will fill you with His peace. A peace that passes all understanding. Love you and are with you in spirit.
Not fun….can’t imagine such fun without Jesus to carry you…You are strong and you are not alone at any point and what a comfort that is. Praying for your requests as always. May the Lord bring you peace as you trust in him!
Praying continually!
Dear Jennifer, YES – AM and will be praying that the Lord will give you the peace that ONLY comes from Him! OH, and that the RESULTS will be spectacular €:-)
As I read about that cycle of worry and prayer and how the Holy Spirit reminds you of His love and promises, I can’t help but be praising Him for how He is ministering to you…..AND THROUGH YOU!! You have HIS strength….flowing through you and out to everyone around you.
Am so proud and blessed to be one of your prayer partners.
Praying for you, Jennifer.
I LOVED this comment, by the way: “my mind starts worrying that the PET scan will light up like a Christmas tree, showing the cancer has returned…stop thinking that and remind myself that the Bible says not to worry, but to pray about everything. And even if the cancer has returned, remember that God will be with us through whatever treatment is ahead. REPEAT.” Some days are that “simple”…not easy, but simple in what we can do…He’s the One who holds us during these times!! ♥