Scanxiety – (Noun) The feeling of terror and dread that one experiences as they await the results of a scan, once again faced with the possible return of cancer.
It’s a word I had never hear until about a year ago.
It’s real. Oh my…is it real.
Here’s how my days have gone the past few days…my mind starts worrying that the PET scan will light up like a Christmas tree, showing the cancer has returned…stop thinking that and remind myself that the Bible says not to worry, but to pray about everything. And even if the cancer has returned, remember that God will be with us through whatever treatment is ahead. REPEAT.
My brain is tired from doing that over and over and over and over and over…well you get the picture.
Tomorrow I have a PET scan, not because we think the cancer has returned, but because that’s just what you do when you have Stage IV cancer. You keep monitoring it. Tom is taking the morning off to go with me and I am thankful to have found a friend that doesn’t have school aged kids to get out the door or start school with in the morning, to come early to help get the girls off to school. I check in at 8 and the scan is at 9:30.
I have an appointment to hear the results on Monday at 9:20. Please pray I will continue to replace my scanxiety with prayer. For that appointment, Shanna is going with me as Tom will be out of town for work. We decided to keep that appointment even though he is gone, otherwise we would have to wait an entire week. No thank you. 🙂 I hesitate to write that on a blog, but would really like you to pray for us being apart at that time. If we get good news, it will be fine. If we don’t, it will still be fine, but he’ll be getting on a plane and coming home and I will end up telling the girls by myself as I know they will ask the second they walk in the door from school (or the second our oldest pulls out her phone on the bus – maybe even during lunch if she is thinking about it).
Thanks for praying with us. If I can pray for you, please send me a message. I’ll have a couple hours tomorrow morning when I have to lay still and quiet with not much to do. 🙂 (And of course I can pray other times too!)
PS: The new hormone blocking pill seems to have less side effects. I was feeling pretty depressed yesterday, but am better today. Could be situational or it could be a side effect. I’m not sure at this point. But I’m tracking EVERYTHING, so we’ll see…