I’m sorry you found my blog.
HA! What a funny thing to say on a blog!! But seriously, if you landed here, you either know me, or know someone that has cancer. That’s why I’m sorry!
Cancer.
I hate that word.
I remember sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s listening to the Dr. tell me that while it was not likely I would get Ocular Melanoma like my Mom, 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their life. Since all of my Grandparents and my Mom have died of some type of cancer, I knew my day would come. I just never thought my diagnosis would be the day after my 41st birthday and as a mother of a 10, 7 and 6 year old.
Fast forward 4 years (October 2019) and the cancer has returned in other bones. So here we are, ready to fight again…and looking to be on some sort of treatment for the rest of my life.
This blog is my journey as I fight to leave cancer behind and move on in my life.
I should probably back up and introduce myself . . . my name is Jennifer. I’m a Christ follower, married to an amazing man (who happens to be a chef turned Co-CEO of a restaurant), have 3 beautiful daughters and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer which originally spread to my sternum, but has now spread to quite a few other bones and one of my lungs as well.
I know it can be confusing when you stumble upon a new blog, so let me help you get started.
- I have a blog to keep track of my thoughts and to let friends and family know what’s going on.
- You can get to know our family or read my personal testimony here.
- As I’ve been going through different procedures, I’ve written down what it was like. You can find a list of those over in the side bar (or down at the bottom if you are on a mobile device).
- Click here to receive an email when I publish new posts.
- And finally, if you noticed above that I’m married to a chef and think that must be the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, click here and browse through my blog about what it’s really like to be married to a chef. (I love blogging. Can you tell?)
Here’s what’s going on with me right now . . .
Missing My Mom
It’s hard to believe that my Mom has been gone for 14 years. In some ways it seems like forever. When she was alive I was married, but working full time with no kids. . . a life that seems so foreign to me now.
With my cancer diagnosis, I wondered how I would be feeling today, the anniversary of her death. I don’t feel like it’s harder this year, but it’s definitely different.
Each year on this day, I relive the morning in my head. Hearing my Dad leave for work, walking out of the bedroom at 7:30 am to find my Mom no longer alive, calling my Dad to tell him, calling Tom (who didn’t answer the phone), calling Christina next door who went banging on the windows of our house to tell Tom to call me, hugging and crying with my Aunt Karen, going to Forest Lawn and lots more crying.
The New Normal
It’s funny when people ask me how I’m doing. My answer is always the same.
I’m tired.
That’s my new normal. My body is physically tired ALL. THE. TIME.
The side effects seem to change from day to day as they come and go, but the fatigue is always there.
So if you ask me how I am, I’ll probably just say OK and just can just know that I’m tired, at least for the next two months.
A few people have asked me lately when my end date is for chemo. My last infusion is March 2nd. I go 6 more times. Yesterday marked the halfway point through this cycle.
Surviving the Weekend and Other AMAZING Things
Saturday was a great day! Not only did I survive the Science Center birthday celebration (woohoo!), I was able to sit down with our youngest and share the gospel with her, yet again. This time, she accepted the Lord as her Savior!!
Yep! Great day indeed!!
I had been praying that God will give me the perfect time and conversation starter to talk with just her. This morning, the conversation started out by talking about the death of my Aunt’s mother, which lead to talking about my Mom and heaven, which was the perfect intro to the conversation.
It Feels So Good to do “Normal” Mom Things
Normal Mom things . . . watching your 5th grader perform in an assembly at school, eating lunch with your 8 year old at school on her birthday . . . I love doing “normal” Mom things.
It was so strange signing in at the office at the girls’ school today. It had been a long time. I used to be there multiple times a week. I miss it. But I am so thankful that today I was doing well enough to make it to school twice in one day (using hand sanitizer and washing my hands right away afterwards).
The end of the week has been easier than the first part of the week. Thankfully I’m done having a pity party for myself and I am so thankful to have been able to get out of the house and keep busy the past few days. I feel so much better when my mind is busy and I have something to think about besides cancer.
Quick Update Today
Chemo knocked me out today . . . even fell asleep at the infusion center so here’s a quick update and hopefully I won’t fall asleep while typing!
Dr apt. yesterday:
- tumor has shrunk 1 cm in both length and width
- a PET scan will most likely be done before my surgery to see how well the chemo worked and to see if the cancer has spread anywhere else
- Radiation after surgery might not be done if, 1) the cancer has spread somewhere else or 2) the Dr. is confident the chemo killed all the cancer. I believe this decision/recommendation will come from a radiation oncologist which we have not met with yet.
Cancer Changes the Way You Think of Things
I’m sure it’s probably not a surprise, but having a stage 4 cancer diagnosis really changes the way you think of things. Obviously it changes how you think about family and friends, but surprisingly it makes you think differently when shopping (at least for me).
Before I tell you about my trip to Target yesterday, let me assure you that I’m still being pretty successful at living in today and not worrying about the future. But with that said, here’s where my thoughts went when I was at Target shopping yesterday ., . .
I needed a new golf umbrella to get to and from the bus stop. I was about to buy a cute polkadot one, but as I started to walk away I thought, “When I die, Tom isn’t going to want to use a polkadot umbrella to walk to the bus! I should buy the black one.” So I put it back and bought the black one. read more…
I’m 1/3 of the way done with Chemo! Woohoo!
Today was my 4th infusion of Taxol (12 total). So I’m 1/3 of the way done. Yay!
My port worked on the first time (so thankful for that) and we were out of the infusion center and home just before noon!! Everything went very smoothly.
The last round was a bit harder than the previous one. After 2 days of being pretty uncomfortable, I sent a message to the Dr. letting him know I was ready to try something for the achiness and pains I was feeling. So I’m armed and ready with a new plan of attack which I’ll start tomorrow (Thursday), the day before I would expect to start feeling the effects from the chemo.
Meet Jennifer
Breast Cancer Patient, Chef Wife and Mom
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