I’m sorry you found my blog.
HA! What a funny thing to say on a blog!! But seriously, if you landed here, you either know me, or know someone that has cancer. That’s why I’m sorry!
Cancer.
I hate that word.
I remember sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s listening to the Dr. tell me that while it was not likely I would get Ocular Melanoma like my Mom, 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their life. Since all of my Grandparents and my Mom have died of some type of cancer, I knew my day would come. I just never thought my diagnosis would be the day after my 41st birthday and as a mother of a 10, 7 and 6 year old.
Fast forward 4 years (October 2019) and the cancer has returned in other bones. So here we are, ready to fight again…and looking to be on some sort of treatment for the rest of my life.
This blog is my journey as I fight to leave cancer behind and move on in my life.
I should probably back up and introduce myself . . . my name is Jennifer. I’m a Christ follower, married to an amazing man (who happens to be a chef turned Co-CEO of a restaurant), have 3 beautiful daughters and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer which originally spread to my sternum, but has now spread to quite a few other bones and one of my lungs as well.
I know it can be confusing when you stumble upon a new blog, so let me help you get started.
- I have a blog to keep track of my thoughts and to let friends and family know what’s going on.
- You can get to know our family or read my personal testimony here.
- As I’ve been going through different procedures, I’ve written down what it was like. You can find a list of those over in the side bar (or down at the bottom if you are on a mobile device).
- Click here to receive an email when I publish new posts.
- And finally, if you noticed above that I’m married to a chef and think that must be the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, click here and browse through my blog about what it’s really like to be married to a chef. (I love blogging. Can you tell?)
Here’s what’s going on with me right now . . .
No Chemo Today!
This is the first Wednesday in a long time I haven’t had to get up and go to chemo. So instead, I’m sitting/laying around in my bathrobe. I wish I could say I’ve been celebrating the past few days, but the side effects from my last dose of chemo hit me really hard starting Monday afternoon. So hard, that I had a to cancel a fun night out with friends and had to call on a friend and my aunt at the last minute to help, because I was so nauseous and weak, I couldn’t take care of the kids and Tom was working and out of town. I’m out of bed today, but still not able to do much. What a nice reminder about how horrible chemo really is! 🙁 Boo!! Glad it’s over!!
The Different Faces of Chemo
Over the past 4 1/2 months, I’ve done a pretty good job of physically hiding the true “look” of chemo. There were only a few days I didn’t put makeup on and I hid my hair or lack there of, with a hat and a wig. The friends and family that helped in our home, saw me without a hat, but whenever I went out of the house, my head was covered. Besides Tom and the girls, Christy and Sarah are the only ones who saw the true chemo “look” as they were at our home in early morning before I got ready. Until today . . .
Today, I thought I’d make a short video and show you all the faces of chemo. With all the poison being pumped into your body during chemo, it’s only natural that it takes a toll on your physical appearance. I’ve never been one to leave the house without makeup, and during chemo was no exception. I did everything I could to physically hide that I was sick.
I’M DONE!!!!
Toni, one of the nurses I had the privilege of working with, came in to check my chemo, give us a high five and took time to take a picture with me.
I’m officially done with chemo infusions! (Insert sigh of relief here!)
My infusion was uneventful again, which I’m thankful for. I slept through part of it which made the time pass by fast. Tom and I went to lunch at MOD Pizza and then I came home and laid down. I’m tired, but feeling fine.
The Night Before the Last Chemo
It’s been a LONG 4 1/2 months of chemo.
But here I am, the night before my last chemo. I can’t believe it will be over tomorrow (well not really, but at least the infusion part of it).
4 1/2 months ago we prepared for the worst – my full time care with Tom working from home and a friend here the day he was up in Seattle working. Fortunately, it was not as bad as we had prepared for. There were some very hard days, but there were also some good days. It’s the very end of chemo and today, I was able to be a normal mom, taking our 6 year old to the Dr. for her allergies and going to school play auditions for our 2 oldest kids. I am so thankful my body handled the chemo as well as it did!!
I’ll be honest, I have mixed feelings about tomorrow being my last chemo. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very glad it will be over. I just really want it to be my last one, forever. I don’t ever want to walk back in the infusion center again in my entire life, for me or for anyone else I know.
It’s not a horrible place. The nurses and people that work there are wonderful and I have loved getting to know them. They are very friendly and kind. They know us by name and greet us with a smile each week. I’d love to run into them when we are out and about. But never want to see them at the Infusion Center again. 🙂 I look forward to saying goodbye tomorrow and taking them some yummy blueberry scones as a “Thank You” for taking such good care of me these past 4 1/2 months.
We have been focusing so much on chemo and managing the side effects that come and go each week. It seems strange to be coming to an end of that.
Counting the days . . .
Another chemo is done and it was again, uneventful. I slept most of the time as I was very tired and a bit achy today. I also took a couple small naps today and laid down until the kids got home from school.
There was not much new news at my Dr. appointment yesterday. The tumor seemed about the same size. After Tom and I coordinate a couple calendar items, I can call the breast surgeon and get that appointment set up to talk about surgery. We are hoping to schedule surgery the week after Spring Break (April 11- 15). I also have an appointment on March 25th to hear the results of my pet scan which should be done a few days prior to that.
Living One Day at a Time with Contentment
(Written on Saturday)
This whole “living one day at a time thing” is hard.
If you’ve been following me on this journey for any amount of time, you know I struggle with letting my mind wander and worry about all the possible “what-ifs” of my diagnosis. The only way I have been able to function is to remember that God has given me TODAY. There’s no promise of tomorrow. All I have is today. So I’m focusing on living one day at a time and trusting and knowing that God will be with me, no matter what comes with each new day that He gives me.
Today was a bit of a whirlwind, full of goodbyes, hellos, instruction, exhaustion, frustration, rest, etc. It was one of those days where I’m both physically and emotionally exhausted by the end of the day as a parent.
Another week done
Another chemo is over. It was uneventful, which I’m thankful for. I rested most of the day afterward, but did get up in the evening to spend time as a family. The neuropathy has spread to my feet. It’s not very bad, and not constant like my hands, but they do occasionally tingle and the tips of my toes and toenails are tender.
I’m thankful for a little bit of energy Wednesday night to play flashlight Capture the Flag and Sardines as a family.
My friend Sarah from college is here for 4 days and has been such a big help. Currently she is spot cleaning the carpet all throughout our home because it hurts my hands to do it (and it’s driving me crazy). Bless her!! We have a few other cleaning projects on the list today and then tomorrow, for her last day here, we are off to meet friends at the Science Center. Hoping I have enough energy to make it through that. 🙂
Meet Jennifer
Breast Cancer Patient, Chef Wife and Mom
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