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It’s been a hard transition back to reality after being on vacation for almost 2 weeks. Yesterday I had my PET scan and was really sick because I couldn’t eat before the test. The test itself was not bad at all, but I’m glad it’s over and now just await the results of the test.
Back to Reality
Tonight it is back to reality! We got off the cruise ship yesterday and then went to Disneyland and California Adventure. I feel like the past 2 weeks have been a dream . . . A vacation that we most likely will not ever be able to duplicate again.
Lots of thoughts about the future and what it will be like . . .
- Has it spread?
- What will treatment be?
- Is the suit we bought for Tom to wear on the cruise the one he will wear to my funeral? (We both thought that).
More Waiting…
As I write this, I’m sitting on the back of the Crown Princess in one of their lounges overlooking La Paz, Mexico. Being on a cruise has been a great distraction, except for the shooting pains and sore breast that have started in the last few days. 🙁 I got a little choked up as I wore my spaghetti strap formal and also my bathing suit, wondering if I’ll ever be able to wear them again. Funny the things that go through your mind.
What to Expect from a Breast MRI
Let’s get a few things clear. When someone tells you it’s going to be loud, they don’t mean it’s going to be a loud humming noise and you’ll be able to listen to the music you have selected to listen to on YouTube.
What they really mean is that there are VERY LOUD PULSING BEATS FOR MINUTES AT A TIME.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, here was my experience today as I went in for a breast MRI.
When I was taken back, I got changed into two gowns and some very large pants. I answered some questions from the technician and then was taken to a semiprivate waiting area where I had an IV put in. Just a quick pinch and that was that. 🙂
Once they were ready for me we went into the scan room. I’m sure it has a technical name, but I have no idea what it is.
How is This Possible?
It still baffles me that I have breast cancer. Today as I’m in the dressing from getting ready for my MRI, and the technician was asking me questions, I had to say, “I have breast cancer.” It just doesn’t seem real.
I’m going in for all these test and Dr. appointments (while trying to hide them from the 3 kids until we know more). I feel wonderful. I’m unpacking snorkels and waterproof bags from amazon.com and thinking about what to pack for a 10 day cruise on a Princess cruise ship (my dream vacation) with just my husband to Mexico to celebrate our 20th anniversary. (God’s timing is perfect! Well, it always is, but sometimes it just seems more obvious to me than others.)
The Biopsy Results
I got a call from Dr. MacAbee (my primary care Dr.) at 9am this morning. I did not expect to hear anything today and was so surprised to get her call. The biopsy came back positive and it is malignant, both the tumor and the lymph node. She said it’s Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I was able to call the breast surgeon’s office and get an appointment for 1 pm TODAY instead of having to wait until Monday morning. 🙂 Praise God for that opening!
After workout (which I had to miss because of the biopsy on Monday), Jen stopped by with a latte and a muffin and I was able to tell her in person. We chatted about it for a bit and then more about life. We spent some time in prayer. I’m so glad she came over!
What to Expect from a Breast Biopsy
The account below is my personal experience. Each person’s experience/treatment is different, depending on their cancer and care. This is just my story, shared in hopes of helping others.
When the radiologist told me I would need to have a breast biopsy, she told me that most women handle it very well. So I chose to not research it or look into it at all. She told me the radiologist would numb the area and then use a needle to taike a few samples from the lump and also from a lymph node. She said there would be a loud clicking noise, but that it shouldn’t hurt.
That was true for the second biopsy, the one taken from my lymph node. A small pinch for the lidocaine and then a loud click and some pressure to take the sample.
Biopsy Day
I finally made it to biopsy day. I started the day with a haircut to get ready for the cruise next week and did a little shopping. Then lunch with Tom who was working from home. Glad I had a busy morning to keep my mind occupied. I didn’t sleep well last night. This morning was full of text messages with scripture and encouragement from friends. 🙂
The biopsy hurt a lot more than I thought it would. The lidocaine they gave me for the local didn’t get deep enough into the tumor and the first needle REALLY hurt. She injected more lidocaine through the needle which took some of the pain away after a few minutes. The second biopsy on the swollen lymph node only hurt when they were numbing it. The biopsy pieces were the size of grains of rice.
Waiting with Nothing to Do
It’s strange having the girls gone at school so long each day. I have a long list of things I’d like to get done and yesterday was a great productive today. However, this afternoon, I really feel like doing nothing. So here I sit on the bed, doing just that.
Heaviness and Depression
It was a long weekend, not because of anything that happened, but just because of the news and the fact it kept coming to my mind. Life will never be the same. Never again will I be able to go to the Dr. and answer no to all of the medical history questions like I did last Wednesday.
I felt like I was walking around in a daze. I just have this feeling of heaviness and depression. Different things keep coming to my mind and I try and get them out right away, but then a new one will pop in my head. Grrrr! I think not know the exact details of what is wrong is that hardest. I’m praying for a cancellation so I can get an earlier biopsy. It’s hard to wait this long and then know I have to wait a few days after that for the results.
I’m grateful for the texts, phone calls and emails from friends and family, just letting us know that they care and are here for us.
Meet Jennifer
Breast Cancer Patient, Chef Wife and Mom
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