I’m sorry you found my blog.
HA! What a funny thing to say on a blog!! But seriously, if you landed here, you either know me, or know someone that has cancer. That’s why I’m sorry!
Cancer.
I hate that word.
I remember sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s listening to the Dr. tell me that while it was not likely I would get Ocular Melanoma like my Mom, 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their life. Since all of my Grandparents and my Mom have died of some type of cancer, I knew my day would come. I just never thought my diagnosis would be the day after my 41st birthday and as a mother of a 10, 7 and 6 year old.
Fast forward 4 years (October 2019) and the cancer has returned in other bones. So here we are, ready to fight again…and looking to be on some sort of treatment for the rest of my life.
This blog is my journey as I fight to leave cancer behind and move on in my life.
I should probably back up and introduce myself . . . my name is Jennifer. I’m a Christ follower, married to an amazing man (who happens to be a chef turned Co-CEO of a restaurant), have 3 beautiful daughters and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer which originally spread to my sternum, but has now spread to quite a few other bones and one of my lungs as well.
I know it can be confusing when you stumble upon a new blog, so let me help you get started.
- I have a blog to keep track of my thoughts and to let friends and family know what’s going on.
- You can get to know our family or read my personal testimony here.
- As I’ve been going through different procedures, I’ve written down what it was like. You can find a list of those over in the side bar (or down at the bottom if you are on a mobile device).
- Click here to receive an email when I publish new posts.
- And finally, if you noticed above that I’m married to a chef and think that must be the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, click here and browse through my blog about what it’s really like to be married to a chef. (I love blogging. Can you tell?)
Here’s what’s going on with me right now . . .
Depression After Surgery
I was not prepared for Thursday afternoon. I can’t pin point it to anything, but all of a sudden I went into this deep depression. All I wanted to do was cry and curl up into a ball on my bed away from everyone. Hoever, it’s uncomfortable to lay in that position and I had 2 very concerned family members in the house that didn’t think I should do that. They wanted me to get out of the house. I knew that I should, but I really, realy, really didn’t want to. Like I said, I just wanted to be left alone to cry for a long time.
Nothing is horribly wrong. Yes I have cancer, but it’s not something new. I just had surgery a week ago and I’m feeling good, far better than I ever did on chemo. And I don’t look as physically horrible as I thought I would after surgery. I am sporting this lovely necklace right now… read more…
Goodbye Drain #2
6 days after mastectomy – I met with the plastic surgeon today. He was able to remove one drain. Having a drain pulled out from your body isn’t the most comfortable thing and under my arm is now really sore. But I’m still glad it’s out. That means I’m one step closer to being able to take a shower. The second drain is still producing about 60ml a day and it needs to be below 30ml before it can be removed. As soon as it drops to that point, I can call the office and go in. I managed to hide the drains enough to go out in public yesterday and today. But the drain is annoying, especially because of this crazy warm weather we are having. I was all prepared to hide it underneath sweatshirts and it’s way to hot for that. 🙁
I’m done with the Percocet and am just taking Tylenol for pain. This means I’ll be taking Tylenol PM tonight before bed and hopefully be able to sleep. Plus, it’s a little cooler tonight which should help.
Surviving a Mastectomy
I am on some very strong pain meds as I write this. Please forgive any typos!
Before I give an update on surgery I have some very exciting news! Tom trimmed my hair this morning! Woohoo! The back of my neck needed to be cleaned up so he got out his trimmer and did it. With everything I’m going through right now, it’s the little things I’m excited about! Yay for hair trimming!
Let me give a quick update on how I’m doing and then if you want to keep reading all the details about my day of surgery and procedures you can. I wrote as much down about it all as I could in hopes that it would help someone else in the future (and also for my memory which is not very good right now).
It’s Saturday, 2 days after surgery. I’m taking Percocet and a muscle relaxer for pain. I’m tired, but yet can’t sleep, mostly because it’s too uncomfortable to lay down on our bed and I don’t sleep very soundly propped up with pillows. Eventually I will be tired enough to sleep, right? 🙂
I’m really sore, especially under my arm pit, but if I’m just sitting on the bed or couch, the pain is minimal. I can eat and type with the computer on my lap, without pain. But that’s about it. Everything else hurts to do. Thanks to Tom and Mom, I don’t have to do anything. (And thanks to chemo, I don’t even have to worry about styling my hair.)
Overall, we are all surprised I’m doing as good as I am. I ate breakfast at the table this morning and sat on the sofa and played mindless games on my phone while laughing at I Love Lucy episodes with Mom. I also sat outside in the sun with Tom as he worked for a bit in the yard. read more…
The Night Before Surgery
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Before we talk about surgery . . .
I still have all my fingernails and toenails after my manicure and pedicure yesterday. I’m sure you were all losing sleep worrying about that, so I just wanted to let you know that first thing. 🙂 Now that my fingers and toes are pretty, I’m ready for surgery.
Last night I celebrated with friends! We celebrated chemo being over, my good PET scan results and just getting as far as I have in this fight. We had dinner, chatted, prayed and just enjoyed being together. I am so thankful for these ladies (and many others) who have helped in so many ways the past 6 months! read more…
What Else Can Be Cut Off, Fall Out or Fall Off?
What else can be cut off, fall out or fall off?????
Well, let’s see . . . my hair fell out and is now very, very short. Most of my eye lashes and eye brows are gone. One of my large toe nails is about to fall off, just in time for spring/summer when I want to wear sandals. And I’m about to have a prominent body part cut entirely off on Thursday. Oh and my ovaries are going to be cut out as well – but at least those are not visible (although the sweat from the hot flashes probably will be).. Anything else want to fall off or fall out? What if my ear falls off in a few months?????? You never know.
I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. Right now, typing all that, I’m laughing because it just sounds so absurd to me! Yesterday in a store as I walked past a beautiful piece of lingerie, I cried. What can I do? I know who I am is not based on what I look like, but I’m one of those people who always goes out of the house with my hair done and makeup on. I would be lying if I said all this was easy.
read more…
Slowly getting back to “normal”
It’s hard to believe it’s been a week and a half since we received the great news from my PET Scan. 🙂 I’ve been able to get the to gym and workout for a few weeks. I’ve been out and about running errands. I wish I could say my energy has totally returned, but I’m pretty exhausted by the end of the day. I also keep waking up a few times during the night, which leaves me feeling tired when my alarm goes off. (But today is the first day of Spring Break and it was nice to not set my alarm!!) I have to take breaks regularly, when I used to never need to. It’s frustrating, but I’m so thankful to be feeling good enough to get some stuff done around the house. So I’ll take what I can get for now.
Who Knew that Good News was so Exhausting
Since the news on Friday, Tom and I have been totally exhausted!! I think we were so geared up to hear the worst, that when we heard the best, there was just this relief and our bodies decided to crash. Fortunatly, they crased with just being tired and not sick. But it’s kind of funny how tired we both were this weekend.
I am overwhelmed by so many of your responses…tears of joy, doing a happy dance, no words, etc. But telling our 11 year old on the phone was the best. She told me she had been praying each night on her own for weeks that the cancer would be gone. That of course made me cry – but tears of joy are good, right? She understands what’s coming and that there is a chance it will return, but I could tell she was very relieved (as were we).
Meet Jennifer
Breast Cancer Patient, Chef Wife and Mom
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