What else can be cut off, fall out or fall off?????
Well, let’s see . . . my hair fell out and is now very, very short. Most of my eye lashes and eye brows are gone. One of my large toe nails is about to fall off, just in time for spring/summer when I want to wear sandals. And I’m about to have a prominent body part cut entirely off on Thursday. Oh and my ovaries are going to be cut out as well – but at least those are not visible (although the sweat from the hot flashes probably will be).. Anything else want to fall off or fall out? What if my ear falls off in a few months?????? You never know.
I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry. Right now, typing all that, I’m laughing because it just sounds so absurd to me! Yesterday in a store as I walked past a beautiful piece of lingerie, I cried. What can I do? I know who I am is not based on what I look like, but I’m one of those people who always goes out of the house with my hair done and makeup on. I would be lying if I said all this was easy.
Surgery is in 4 days.
My mind is full of thoughts about the before surgery things to be done on Thursday – a biopsy of a lymph node and something which involves shooting some sort of dye in my breast through the nipple – that will be comfortable, I’m sure. There are much more technical terms for both of those procedures and the Dr., Tom and nurse have all talked to me about them and that’s what my mind remembers. Thanks chemo for frying part of my brain that helps me remember things. 🙂
Then there’s the post surgery details – How long will it be before I can have my glasses back after surgery so I can actually see what’s going on around me? How bad will the pain be? What will my body look like? How will I make it so I don’t look lopsided every time I leave the house? How will the girls respond to seeing me in pain and lopsided? What am I going to wear when we go to the lake almost every day in a few months?? Maybe it will just stay cloudy and cold and I won’t have to worry about wearing a bathing suit. (Just kidding Seattle friends. I have LOVED our amazing weather the past weeks!!)
There’s just a few things going on in my brain this afternoon as we end Spring Break and get ready for a new week of work, school and then surgery. 🙂
But with all that, there is still so much to be thankful for.
I’m thankful for 3 days away as a family. There were a few rough moments, but overall, it was a good time for us as a family, even in the car!
I’m thankful for a husband who says he actually likes me with short hair and thinks with another inch or two it will be a great hair style on me.
I’m thankful for a “prescription” for after surgery camisoles and bras and for Nordstrom who will help me fit them and submit a claim to our insurance company to cover part of the cost.
I’m thankful for a friend who sends a note that she’s praying for me along with a cute polka dot bag to take my stuff to the hospital in.
I’m thankful for the chance to get a manicure and pedicure on Tuesday that will hide the damage chemo has done to my hands and feet.
I’m thankful for enough energy to trek all over Vancouver, Canada (over 18,000 steps according to my Fitbit) on Friday with Tom and the girls. (And this was after 12,000 steps the day before and then we walked over 10,000 the day after. I’m tired today!!)
In the midst of the crazy things going on in my mind with surgery coming up, I’m thankful for the little things that God has brought to my mind this afternoon.
So much to be thankful for . . .