I’m sorry you found my blog.
HA! What a funny thing to say on a blog!! But seriously, if you landed here, you either know me, or know someone that has cancer. That’s why I’m sorry!
Cancer.
I hate that word.
I remember sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s listening to the Dr. tell me that while it was not likely I would get Ocular Melanoma like my Mom, 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their life. Since all of my Grandparents and my Mom have died of some type of cancer, I knew my day would come. I just never thought my diagnosis would be the day after my 41st birthday and as a mother of a 10, 7 and 6 year old.
Fast forward 4 years (October 2019) and the cancer has returned in other bones. So here we are, ready to fight again…and looking to be on some sort of treatment for the rest of my life.
This blog is my journey as I fight to leave cancer behind and move on in my life.
I should probably back up and introduce myself . . . my name is Jennifer. I’m a Christ follower, married to an amazing man (who happens to be a chef turned Co-CEO of a restaurant), have 3 beautiful daughters and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer which originally spread to my sternum, but has now spread to quite a few other bones and one of my lungs as well.
I know it can be confusing when you stumble upon a new blog, so let me help you get started.
- I have a blog to keep track of my thoughts and to let friends and family know what’s going on.
- You can get to know our family or read my personal testimony here.
- As I’ve been going through different procedures, I’ve written down what it was like. You can find a list of those over in the side bar (or down at the bottom if you are on a mobile device).
- Click here to receive an email when I publish new posts.
- And finally, if you noticed above that I’m married to a chef and think that must be the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, click here and browse through my blog about what it’s really like to be married to a chef. (I love blogging. Can you tell?)
Here’s what’s going on with me right now . . .
Good News on Good Friday
I slept well last night and was at peace as we walked into the doctor’s office. (Although I did tear up as Tom and I prayed before we went into the office.) Thank you to everyone who was praying for this!
Talking with the Dr. this morning, he asked how I was doing. I told him about my cough that’s annoying and won’t go away. His response after listening to me breathe was, “I don’t think we need to treat it with antibiotics since your lungs didn’t show an infection and since your scan was good.”
“Wait. It was good? How good is good?”
“As good as we could have hoped for.”
Sigh of relief! Praise God!
Another Scan Done
Thanks for praying for my scan this morning. I slept well (with the exception of one coughing attack late last night). I had no trouble with my blood sugar, my port was cooperative and they only had to redo one small part of the scan because I must have moved my nose. Apparently in the scan she could see 3 noses. Oops!
While I was waiting an hour for the radioactive stuff to move around my body, I read my Bible passages for the day (I’m reading through the Bible in a year) and listened to Pandora. A couple songs that came on while I was sitting there resting were absolutely perfect and just what I needed. read more…
Tears, Brain Fog and Fingernails
I’ve been doing really well, not letting fear getting the best of me the past few weeks. Tonight has been a little harder. It started off looking for a picture of one of the girls when tears began to fall. I’m not sure why pictures triggered my emotions, but they did. Then I spent about 20 minutes in our office with Tom on the piano and me calling out songs for him to play. More tears then. I love this man so much. Then listening to the kids play and Tom laugh. Next listening to Tom play the piano again and the kids sing. I’m just a ball of emotions. . . tears coming and going.
Not knowing what the future holds is so difficult. I know that I’ve really never known what the future holds, but waiting for this scan on Thursday and then the results the next day to see what the next months of our lives are going to look is really hard.
Yet in the midst of all the tears, I look to the weened. I think of Christ on the cross, taking the punishment for my sins. I think of God’s grace, which I do not deserve. I think of the resurrection and what it must have been like for his followers to see the empty tomb. More tears . . . Different, but still tears. It’s really overwhelming to think that he did all that for (us).
On the Mend
I think we are all starting to feel better, finally. 3 of us have coughs which will be around for a while and I’m still pretty weak feeling and get tired easily. But overall, we are doing much better, finally!!
As I think back on my life before diagnosis, I have no idea how I did it all (cleaning, cooking, laundry,taking care of the girls, volunteering in the classroom, serving at church, etc.) I’m still not doing much cooking or cleaning and feel like I’m barely keep up with things. Maybe one day . . . but for now, thank you to everyone who continues to help us!! We really appreciate it.
Plastic Surgery Appointment
Oh my goodness…I can’t believe I met with a plastic surgeon today. Ha! The conversation that went on was so strange and foreign to me as the thought of plastic surgery, for any part of my body, has never even crossed my mind.
Anyways . . .
It was long appointment – paperwork, video to watch and then meeting with the Dr. The plan for now is to start reconstruction on the day of surgery with a tissue expander. Then after recovery from surgery, we’ll start slowly filling that up to the right level. Then that will be removed and an implant inserted (which will be another short surgery). After hearing all the options, we felt that is the best one for my situation.
The plastic surgeon also does surgeries on Thursdays, so it looks like we are still on for April 14th.
Two Down . . .
Quick post tonight to ask for prayer . . .
Tom has a very bad case of the flu. He is quarantined to our room and the main bathroom. I’m wearing a mask when I go in to take him food and drinks. I’m washing my hands and using hand sanitizer CONSTANTLY. Please pray I can stay healthy.
When I talked to the oncologist on-call today, she said what I was doing was good. She also asked about my white blood count, which thankfully was not a concern at my last chemo. She said that was good as well and to keep doing what I was doing. I’m glad she didn’t say to move out for a few days!
Has Anyone Seen My Energy?
It’s Friday evening and I’m still waiting to feel like I’m done with chemo. 🙂 I’m not complaining (at least not much), just stating the facts.
Each day gets a little better. This morning was the first morning since Monday I was up and dressed in the morning. I guess that’s progress. I spent the morning working on a website for Tom’s restaurant group, which allowed me to sit on the couch. Tonight we have a fun family movie night planned, which will again, allow me to sit down. I’m up doing something, get tired really fast, and then am back down. But at least I can do a little around the house!
I guess I thought my energy would come back faster. But as Tom pointed out, not only did I not get chemo on Wed., I also did not get all the pre-meds (including the steroid which usually gives me a boost of energy).
Meet Jennifer
Breast Cancer Patient, Chef Wife and Mom
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