I really like my new permanent hospice nurse! I’m so thankful for her sweet, kind and caring personality. Tom is much happier with her as well. She also likes dogs, so even though the company policy says dogs need to be put away, she said she doesn’t mind if he is out. Oliver loved her and was his normal self after a few minutes of getting to know her. That is a huge blessing not having to leave him outside or in the garage when they are here!
My hospice nurse’s name is Julie Lynn. She was here for over an hour today. Part of that time I was also able to meet my hospice Dr. over zoom. It’s nice to have a face to go with a name. She took my vitals and we went over meds.
Even though I increased my Fentanyl patches this week, my pain is the same. So I am going to go back on Gabapentin for nerve pain to see if that helps. I’m also going to try and sleep with my oxygen on tonight. Tom says that sometimes I wake up with a snort, like I didn’t get enough air. I didn’t know that until he said something today. We are hoping the oxygen will help that.
I am also hoping that the oxygen will help me sleep less during the day. I am sleeping a lot of the day. Honestly, it’s really all I want to do right now.
Mentally, I’m struggling. I feel like I’m just waiting around to die. I’m wondering what else God has for me here on earth. My pain is getting worse. I’m sleeping a lot more. It’s getting harder to breathe. I’m not able to do much, or anything for my family. I’m ready to go home.
I would guess as a family member or friend, that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. It’s what I’m feeling. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear.
As you pray for our family, please pray everyone would stay healthy. Please pray for the beginning of the school year and all the little things that lead up to that. And please pray for my anxiety. I am very anxious all the time. Sometimes I can pinpoint it to something I’m thinking of or a conversation I’ve had. Other times I can’t. Alprazolam is helpful and I’m very thankful for that!
I feel very bad for all the no’s I’ve said to people about coming over. I just really want to be by myself. It’s nothing personal. I promise. Please don’t stop checking in on me, even if it’s just a quick text, a scripture, a memory, a songs that is meaning something to you right now……those are all great things to send that bring a smile to my face. It means a lot!
I think that’s about it for now. I’ve dozed off about 5 times while writing this. Sorry for any typos.
I am so thankful that you are ready to go home. Only God could have provided that, and His peace is a wonderful blessing! We are praying for you and for your family! I am sure this is very difficult for all of you, but I know that God will supply all of your needs and will comfort your family! It is such a great blessing that we know that all of your family knows the Lord, and we will all meet again in heaven
Praying for comfort for you sweet Jennifer. Praying Tom and your beautiful girls .Your faith is so very strong I thank our lord for this . You are a strong ,beautiful,kind,that loves her family so very much . Gif bless you sweet Jennifer . ♥️♥️
Jennifer, I am praying that you will have peace in this last chapter. This morning I learned that my favorite boss and dear friend went to be with the Lord. He almost went there before, when his heart stopped. He said that after that flatline experience he would never fear death again because it was the most wonderful, peaceful experience he had ever had. I want you to have that kind of peace as you await and even anticipate going home. Nobody holds it against you that you want to go home now. And please know that we will continue to uphold your family in prayer. I’m so glad that you like your nurse and doctor. They are there to ease your pain and anxieties and to help your family through this, too. Jesus said, “Peace I give to you.” May the peace of God be with you, Jennifer. I love you.
I am grateful that you have peace and not fear about your circumstances. Whatever gives you comfort and enjoyment is a great way for you to spend your time. Will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Much love to you all.
Jennifer, you have blessed us with your honest report during this time in hospice. Thank you for trusting us with your feelings. Praying for the pain to decrease and for your whole family as you walk this difficult journey.
Jennifer, thank you for sharing your heart. I am praying for you through out each day – for comfort and rest, and that you are not in pain. Your example of living and loving God through stage four breast cancer will never be forgotten. I love you. I am praying for you, Tom, and the girls. You are a gift to so many.
Jennifer, praying for you to be at peace knowing people will gather round your family to love and support them and I don’t think it’ll be that long before we all join you. You are an amazing lady and your faith is so strong in Jesus. A golden crown is waiting for you, I’m sure. You have reached and strengthened the faith of so many around you. Be at peace with that.
You may not see God’s purpose for your life right now but I see it right here in your writings. You have lived a life committed to the Lord and are looking forward to your home-going. That IS our hope as believers. Thank you for encouraging us to be like minded whatever hardship we may face. I will continue to pray for your comfort & peace as well as those who care for you. While we may never understand God’s plan this side of heaven, we know we can trust Him.
Psalm 16:11 “You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”
I appreciate your honesty during hospice and the strength you have given to me and everyone who knows you. You are an example of a Godly wife and mother and it shows everyday throughout your breast cancer. I love you and continually pray for you, Tom, and your beautiful girls. Continually praying for pain relief and glad God brought a different Hospice nurse who gets along well with your dog, you, Tom and your girls. Love you, Jennifer
I am sure glad to hear from you tonight. I sure understand when you said, “I’m ready to go home.” As I pray for you and your family I know He still has a wonderful reason to keep you here till He is ready to take you home at the right time. I again send my love and prayers.
I can’t imagine how difficult these are to write! What a treasure you are to all of us. Praying big for all the Smalls!
You have met each day with your unwavering faith and continue to do so through this difficult time of waiting. God is at work even though you can’t see it. I pray that you are able to feel comfort and peace as you wait.
I am and will continue to pray for you and your family. My heart is with you and I’m so grateful for the ways you have filled my life.
Thank you for sharing what is on your heart. You are precious. I can only imagine how strong your desire is to be at peace and whole, and no longer in pain. I am so thankful for the promise of heaven and eternal life. These are good things. I am praying for the anxiety to subside and for precious times with Tom and your girls.
Jennifer, I think how often, we as believers, myself included say we are ready for the Lord to return, or we are so ready to go home, when thing here on earth weigh heavy. But when you say that you are ready, it carries deep meaning and true faith in all that God has in store for us. I have been so blessed by your openess and honesty throughout your journey. You will never know the full impact of it until you see Jesus face to face and you “know”. What a glorious moment that will be. In the waiting, I am praying, as are so many. Sending love.
You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for peace and comfort!
Jennifer – your grace and your honesty and your strong faith have blessed and impacted SO many people. You are finishing well. Now I just pray for the peace and comfort of the Lord to rest on you gently as you wait for Him to say, “okay Jennifer, it’s time to come Home”. Our prayers continue for Tom and the girls.
Thinking and praying for you and your family everyday Jennifer. Our heart goes out to what you said in your post but we so understand. God the great physician is caring for you and will be calling you in His time. So happy the hospice nurse and Oliver get along. Comfort for you and your family.
I love you so much, Jennifer. Thank you for this beautiful post. I admire your honesty, strength, and PURE faith so much! It has been such a blessing to read your heart.
I am sending you love and prayers of comfort and continued peace for all of you.
Dear Jennifer, Thank you for sharing honestly from your heart so we can pray specifically with you our sister in Christ. You, Tom and the girls are on our hearts and in our prayers.
We love you, Chuck and Bobbie
These posts the past several years have taught me so much about so many things but most importantly how we are to live for the glory of God. These posts could be made into a book to help so many going through any terminal illness & point them to Christ. Your life has truly been a testimony of your love for Jesus & others.
I remember when you & your husband sang & he played the piano leading worship songs at church, It was so special & beautiful to see a husband & wife team praising God, your love for each other & your love of music shone through your smiles & made it all the more the more special. I miss seeing you & your family at church chatting afterwards. I know without a doubt we will all be reunited & it will be glorious! We are praying for you all as the Lord carries you through each day. Your girls are so beautiful & have the best mom ever even at your very worst. God bless you & watch over you & keep you in His hand. With much love, Jennifer.