I really like my new permanent hospice nurse! I’m so thankful for her sweet, kind and caring personality. Tom is much happier with her as well. She also likes dogs, so even though the company policy says dogs need to be put away, she said she doesn’t mind if he is out. Oliver loved her and was his normal self after a few minutes of getting to know her. That is a huge blessing not having to leave him outside or in the garage when they are here!

My hospice nurse’s name is Julie Lynn. She was here for over an hour today. Part of that time I was also able to meet my hospice Dr. over zoom. It’s nice to have a face to go with a name. She took my vitals and we went over meds.

Even though I increased my Fentanyl patches this week, my pain is the same. So I am going to go back on Gabapentin for nerve pain to see if that helps. I’m also going to try and sleep with my oxygen on tonight. Tom says that sometimes I wake up with a snort, like I didn’t get enough air. I didn’t know that until he said something today. We are hoping the oxygen will help that.

I am also hoping that the oxygen will help me sleep less during the day. I am sleeping a lot of the day. Honestly, it’s really all I want to do right now.

Mentally, I’m struggling. I feel like I’m just waiting around to die. I’m wondering what else God has for me here on earth. My pain is getting worse. I’m sleeping a lot more. It’s getting harder to breathe. I’m not able to do much, or anything for my family. I’m ready to go home.

I would guess as a family member or friend, that’s hard to hear, but it’s the truth. It’s what I’m feeling. I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear.

As you pray for our family, please pray everyone would stay healthy. Please pray for the beginning of the school year and all the little things that lead up to that. And please pray for my anxiety. I am very anxious all the time. Sometimes I can pinpoint it to something I’m thinking of or a conversation I’ve had. Other times I can’t. Alprazolam is helpful and I’m very thankful for that!

I feel very bad for all the no’s I’ve said to people about coming over. I just really want to be by myself. It’s nothing personal. I promise. Please don’t stop checking in on me, even if it’s just a quick text, a scripture, a memory, a songs that is meaning something to you right now……those are all great things to send that bring a smile to my face. It means a lot!

I think that’s about it for now. I’ve dozed off about 5 times while writing this. Sorry for any typos.