I woke up this morning with my whole body hurting. It got a little bit better as I moved around the house and got ready for church.

I was feeling kind of down but just pushed through as I wanted to go to church as a family.

By the second worship song I was crying and wanted to lay down in bed and hide under the covers.

So I asked him to bring me home. I decided to take lorazepam to help with the depression today, so I can get through the day with my husband and kids home and hopefully not be an emotional mess the whole day.

This last week was a harder week. And as I look back at it , I can see that my emotions were up and down a lot, without really any reason. I don’t expect things to be perfect with the kids.  I know my emotions can fluctuate somewhat based on their behavior and how much I’m having to discipline and talk to them. But this is so much more than that. I can’t be snuggling with my six-year-old who just woke up, and then in tears a second later. Nothing changed. Why would I start crying all of a sudden?

Why would we be singing “Beautiful Savior,” one of my favorite worship songs, and then just start crying. I admit I have cried during worship song at times in my life because they have touched me so greatly, but that wasn’t the case this time. I was happy we were singing it because I love it. But was just so depressed I wanted to cry.

Clearly something is going on with this little pill.  Looking back at my notes, this is around the time the other pill started giving me the same problem. My body physically feels better on this pill. So I am thankful for that. But I’m not sure what to say.

Something has to change. I’m just not sure what.

At this point, after two tries, do we tried the third option and see what happens? Or do we treat these symptoms – the hot flashes, mood swings and depression and stay on this pill.  Several women have given me a suggestion of a pill that has greatly help with these side effects.  Maybe it’s time to look into that.

I’ll be sending a message to the doctor and see what he recommends.  In the meantime, would you pray for our family today as we spend time together and that my emotions won’t get in the way.


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