I’m sorry you found my blog.

HA! What a funny thing to say on a blog!! But seriously, if you landed here, you either know me, or know someone that has cancer. That’s why I’m sorry!

Cancer.

I hate that word.

I remember sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s listening to the Dr. tell me that while it was not likely I would get Ocular Melanoma like my Mom, 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their life. Since all of my Grandparents and my Mom have died of some type of cancer, I knew my day would come. I just never thought my diagnosis would be the day after my 41st birthday and as a mother of a 10, 7 and 6 year old.

Fast forward 4 years (October 2019) and the cancer has returned in other bones. So here we are, ready to fight again…and looking to be on some sort of treatment for the rest of my life.

This blog is my journey as I fight to leave cancer behind and move on in my life.

I should probably back up and introduce myself . . . my name is Jennifer. I’m a Christ follower, married to an amazing man (who happens to be a chef turned Co-CEO of a restaurant), have 3 beautiful daughters and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer which originally spread to my sternum, but has now spread to quite a few other bones and one of my lungs as well.

I know it can be confusing when you stumble upon a new blog, so let me help you get started.

I have a blog to keep track of my thoughts and to let friends and family know what’s going on.
You can get to know our family or read my personal testimony here.
As I’ve been going through different procedures, I’ve written down what it was like. You can find a list of those over in the side bar (or down at the bottom if you are on a mobile device).
Click here to receive an email when I publish new posts.
And finally, if you noticed above that I’m married to a chef and think that must be the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, click here and browse through my blog about what it’s really like to be married to a chef. (I love blogging. Can you tell?)

Jennifer

Here’s what’s going on with me right now . . .

Heaviness and Depression

Sep 8, 2015 | Blog | 0 Comments

It was a long weekend, not because of anything that happened, but just because of the news and the fact it kept coming to my mind. Life will never be the same. Never again will I be able to go to the Dr. and answer no to all of the medical history questions like I did last Wednesday.

I felt like I was walking around in a daze. I just have this feeling of heaviness and depression. Different things keep coming to my mind and I try and get them out right away, but then a new one will pop in my head. Grrrr! I think not know the exact details of what is wrong is that hardest. I’m praying for a cancellation so I can get an earlier biopsy. It’s hard to wait this long and then know I have to wait a few days after that for the results.

I’m grateful for the texts, phone calls and emails from friends and family, just letting us know that they care and are here for us.

Waiting is Tough

Sep 5, 2015 | Blog | 0 Comments

I’ve had a stomach ache all day. Yesterday I felt nauseous all day, and today just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that doesn’t go away. My mind just knows something is wrong, even if I feel fine. I hope that goes away as I get used to the idea. It still seems so foreign. I find myself just walking around the house, wondering what to do. (Part of that could also be that since the girls have been back in school for 4 days, the house is cleaner and I’m more organized . . .therefore I have less to do on the weekend.)

I went to workout this morning. It always challenges me. I love the friendships I have built with the women there. But of course my mind goes straight to wondering how long I will be able to keep going to it. Even just wondering if I can go the Wednesday after my biopsy next Monday. The silly things I wonder about!! I guess there’s always modifications as I need it.

I wonder how my Dad is doing with the news. He has lost 2 parents, 2 inlaws and a wife, all to different types of cancer. And now his daughter tells him she most likely has it? 19 hours is too far to be away from him right now . . .

Finding Out You Have Cancer Is Never Easy

Sep 4, 2015 | Blog | 4 Comments

Finding out you have cancer is never easy.

Neither is finding out someone you love has cancer.

I will never forget sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s with my Mom and Dad finding out all the details of my Mom’s Ocular Melanoma. I remember asking the Dr. if it was hereditary and if I should be worried about getting it. He said it was not, but that 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their lifetime.

I always figured one day I would get the news that I have cancer, I just never thought I would be 41 (41 and 1 day to be exact.)

In 2014, I found a lump in my right breast and had some swollen lymph nodes under my arm. I had a mammogram and ultrasound done and everything was clear. A friend told me she had similar issues but they were related to caffeine and when she cut that out, they went away. So I decided to give that a try and sure enough, they went away. The Dr. said they were nothing to worry about and I could drink caffeine and just know what would happen if I did.

I stayed off of it for a while, but eventually started drinking coffee again, as I missed having it in the morning. So a few months ago, when I noticed a lump in my other breast, I didn’t think much of it. In August I decided to ditch caffeine again so that it would go away and also made an appointment for a physical, since I hadn’t had one in a couple years.