We are back from the cruise. I’ll write more about that later.

Last night we flew home and I was dropped off at the ER on the way home. I was too weak to get off the plane without a wheelchair. That was pretty traumatic for the girls, but there was no option. I was too weak to walk. I got 2 bags of fluid at the ER. A CT confirmed that everything is fine, except a lot of inflammation in my throat. I am still not able to drink anything or swallow a lot with out liquid lidocaine.

Tom and I go in tomorrow to see the oncologist again and I get my monthly shots and infusion. I’ll also get some more fluids when I’m at the infusion center. Along with the severe soar throat, I still have some mouth soars as well. The pain meds make it hard to function, cause a lot of twitching and random muscle movements. They make it impossible to make any sort of decision and make it very hard to parent without doing something to make things much harder than than already are,.

Today I slept off and on. Sage is helping with the huge mountain of laundry and I’ve been up for a few minutes at a time to unpack. Our house cleaners came and cleaned. Friends ran to grab prescriptions and came at a very early hour to help get the kids off to school so Tom could work.

I’m not sure what is going on and why this is lasting so long. Since the beginning of radiation, I have lost 15 pounds. I have not eaten anything besides water and ensure since February 8th. Being on a cruise ship with amazing food was torture.

Tom and I have talked about quality of life verses quantity of life. I still pray this is temporary and I really think it is. But this is not living. Not being able to eat, not able to do anything. It takes me so long to respond to text messages because my fingers randomly twitch. Even typing is hard. If treatment make life like this, I will not continue. I can’t.

Mayhbe I dhouldn’t write that. “Maybe I shouldn’t share that. Mayb it’s too much. But this is a lot right now. And it has been for a long timel. And this is apragargrah without me editing it. It’s rediculous. Thank you for praying for our family. we will reach aout as snneded. it is hard forje to respond to texts as you can see from my typing,. thanjk for understanding. it also isn comfortable to talk. ‘i will keep you posted as I khow more. Please also conuie to pray for the girls a s it is hard form them to see me like this. Please also pray for Tom as he navigateds hom eand work. This is so hard.

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