In the infusion center there is a bell that patients get to ring when they finish chemo. The nurses come out and clap and cheer for them. It’s a nice way to celebrate being done with treatment. The bell wasn’t here when I finished 5 years ago, so I never got to ring it. It wasn’t a big deal for me then.
But what about now?
When I am done with chemo, it will be because it is either no longer working and there is nothing else we can do medically, or I chose to stop it because I am too weary to continue.
It’s not a time I would want to ring a bell, nor do I think it would be offered.
As I sit here, a woman in my room is heading out to ring the bell. It brings tears to my eyes as I think about it.
I know it’s just a bell, just metal, just a sound. I’m happy for her. I really am. But it’s not easy to have stage iv cancer and hear the bell rung, knowing you will not get to ring it, because the cancer has spread too far to cure.
Chemo went well today. I was in a room with 2 other people, separated by curtains. Last week I ended up in a room by myself. It’s so different. Today I spent time texting and napping. I’m done now and feeling anxious. I’m not sure why, but I am. It’s probably worry about how my body will respond this week to the chemo.
It’s now after dinner and I definitely don’t feel as good as I did last Monday night. I am very wiped out, shaky and part of my body will randomly jerk in our spasm. It’s strange. I am curious how I will feel in the morning.
Stay with it, Jen. You are loved, supported and prayed for by so many people.
Jen, I just heard a song that brought you to mind- “Keep on hoping” by Riley Clemmons. I hope it encourages you. Love you.
Thanks Nicole. I will listen to it. 🙂
I don’t have adequate words for you, Jennifer. I just want to say that my heart and prayers are with you.
My heart breaks to hear your words. I lift you up to Him and for His courage to strengthen you. Praying for you and thanking you for your faith that has endured and gotten stronger as your body weakens. What a beautiful woman of God!
Yes and amen!!
Praying, I love you in the name of Jesus. ❤️
God is at work, stay the course… yours’ is exceedingly hard. Our hearts go out to you.
Be thou my vision…
Be Thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight
Be Thou my armor and be Thou my might
Thou my soul shelter, and Thy my high tower
Raise Thou me heavenwards, oh power of my power…
High King of heaven, My treasure thou art
High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.
So thankful to be able to pray for you & know He knows everything.
If God takes you to Heaven what a wonderful place to go. No more Cancer or pain. My prayers are with you. I am Donna’s Mom.
Oh sweet friend, I can’t even imagine the emotions and feelings the bell brings to you. God is leading you, my love. Praying for sleep and peace tonight. Love you
I will be praying tonight for your rest, peace of mind, and feeling better in the morning. Sending loads of love!
Thank you for a sharing my very dear friend! Your honesty and transparency speaks to my heart every time… praying the Good Shepherd will take extra good care of you tonight… hugs and lots of love to you! ❤
Just want to encourage you to be strong and trust God for his plan. I can’t imagine how you feel but I can love and pray and ask God to be there for you and I will!
God’s peace be with you Jennifer.
I’m so sorry Jennifer, we are praying ♥️
Jennifer, I find myself at a loss of words that would encourage you and then I am reminded of how very strong and courageous you are without any words from me. I so admire your honesty and transparency, by being open, you allow others to do the same. I think sometimes, when someone is facing the transition from earth to heaven, and they will not talk about, important things can be left unsaid. For me, living life transparent allows us to leave with no regrets. I pray for peace, for joy filled moments for you and your family and that you will feel as good as possible on this chemo. You are loved! Wendy
May I please echo the comments of Wendy?
While I was struggling with how to express my own thoughts, she articulated those thoughts with such grace and elequence that all I can say is Amen…
Sending love, hugs, and prayers.
Praying