This morning I briefly chatted with a women while waiting for radiation. She was there to support her 87 year old mother who was just starting radiation. This is her 3rd time brining someone into this office for radiation. Through the brief conversation she said her late daughter-in-law and late husband had both received treatment here.
Everyone who I meet in that room has a story to tell, and this one just brought a flood of emotions and thoughts this morning, mostly about my Mom. Tears were running down my face (well the side of my face since I was laying down) during radiation. I was trying not to sob as I thought that might be too much movement and I didn’t want them to have to come back in and realign me. The 16 seconds of my treatment today and the minute before and after where I have to lie perfectly still felt like an eternity. (Yes, this current treatment lasts only 16 seconds. I drive an hour a day for 16 seconds of treatment. Ugh!!)
I haven’t really thought about cancer that much this past 6 weeks, which is funny since my life revolves around radiation right now. This treatment hasn’t stopped me from doing anything, except maybe sleeping a few times. So it really has felt like a job. It’s only been the last few days it’s felt more like treatment and less like a job since my skin is really bothering me.
I cried to Tom on the phone on the way home and it was nice to just hear his voice. 🙂 Sarah took the girls to a movie this afternoon, so I’ve been able to rest a little and I read back through some of my old blog posts. They were a great reminder of how God has been with me each step of this journey so far and I know He will continue to be there in the future.
As I look ahead to this last week of active treatment, I’m not really sure how to feel or think. While I’ll be taking a pill daily and getting an infusion every 6 weeks, my life will no longer revolve around Dr. appointments, at least for now. You would think I’d be jumping for joy as active treatment comes to an end. But for now, but I’m just a ball of emotions.
So for today, I pray for peace and help in living in the day and not worrying about big changes in the next few weeks. I pray for distractions so I don’t constantly think about my irritated skin from radiation. And I pray for a few less emotions coming and going so I can enjoy the afternoon/evening with Sarah and the girls.
Matthew 6:34 – “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”