I’ve been missing my Mom a lot the past few weeks.
This time of year brings back so many memories of the Christmas seasons I spent growing up. I’ve made her Pumpkin Bread recipe multiple times recently and the recipe is in her handwriting. I just made her sugar cookie recipe this afternoon, reminding me of all the times we decorated cookies together. Today I was also putting things on the January calendar and saw the reminder on the 23rd of the day she died. Ugh! 🙁
Then there are things like piano lessons…our girls take lessons from Jim Jansen, one of my parents good friends for many, many years. She would just LOVE to hear the girls sing and play “Do You Hear What I Hear” on the piano as a duet with Jim Jansen!!!! She would be crying if she heard it. (She cried at everything, remember Dad?)
I have so many things I wish I could ask her…what did you do when your very strong willed child turned 12? (And there should probably be some sort of apology to her and my Dad for what I put them through…oh wait…I was a perfect teenager, right???)
How did it feel a few months after you got a clear scan?
Did you still think about cancer every day?
Did you wonder if you would be around for the next holiday?
Did it make you miss your mom even more and want to ask her all these same questions?
Isn’t it FREEZING here today (because you know Dad, she would have made you move up here by now…hint hint hint)?
The list could go on.
So that’s what’s going on with me today…oh, and having lunch with a friend, volunteering in the classroom, decorating sugar cookies with the girls, making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning up the kitchen from making sugar cookies with the girls, folding laundry, listening to Christmas music while drinking coffee before the girls get home, listening to piano lessons, helping with homework and then falling into bed. Just a normal Tuesday, with just a little crying as I miss my mom.
On another note, the body aches have come back the past few days. It’s that aching from the inside out and nothing really helps, except Tramadol…but I’m not willing to take that and deal with other side effects unless I can’t function at all! I’m hoping it’s because I haven’t been very active since my surgery a few weeks ago. Will you please pray that as I get back into my exercise routine, they will disappear again? Thanks friends!
So grateful you had good times with your mom…I miss mine too (and my dad – he had chemo…I had wanted to ask him so many questions a few months back)…the tenderness of our Lord shows through how deeply they impacted our lives ♥ and, His blessing was to give them to us for (too little) a time, but that He gave them to us at all, is His abundant provision!! I’m glad you have your memories to draw on and pass along to your girls ♥ I hope your recipe cards never wear out from use…and that you will enjoy passing them on to your girls some day! Enjoy your time with your family ♥ and, your body may react different to tramadol today (I’m not sure, but I know as chemo dissipates, other things “adjust”)? I don’t remember what happened, but can you take 1/2 dose to try it? Anyway, I’ll pray for wisdom, and of course, less pain…thanks for sharing your ♥ with us…Merry Christmas to you and Tom and the girls!!
Thank you my friend! Merry Christmas to you as well!
Yes will pray with you that the aches will disappear as you get back to exercising!
Thanks Bobbie. 🙂
I am so blessed to still have both my parents but watched my husband loose both of his mom and dad to cancer. This year is our first without his dad who played a huge part in our lives and those of our children. So many questions and reflections that are set off by the smallest things! Thank you for sharing!
Yes…and you never know what will bring back a memory or a flood of emotions! 🙂
Oh, Jennifer, your Mom was such a special person…and a dear, dear friend. I think about her so often and really miss her. She was always so proud of you and loved you dearly. I know you must talk to your girls about her al the time! She would be smiling from ear to ear to know you are making memories with your girls the way she made them with you!
PS… Good advice…try 1/2 dose of pain med and see if it gives some relief without side effects
Thank you Nancy. 🙂
Dear Jennifer – I miss your Mom too. She was a special friend. I have wonderful memories of working with her and Jim Jansen when I was choir librarian at Reseda “B”. I miss my Mom too, especially at Christmastime, and I had her with me alot longer than you had your Mom. I shared the following quote with a friend who just lost her husband to cancer and it may fit your situation as well.
“Grief never ends – – – but it changes
It is a passage – – – not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith,
It is the price of love.”
Author Unknown
What a beautiful quote and so true. Thank you Joyce. 🙂
So happy for you to have such fond memories. Even more special to have special things to share with your girls that are connected to your mom. I love pumpkin and would love to try your mom’s recipe if your okay with sharing it.
Praying for pain relief and wisdom for how to treat it.
Best wishes for a wonderful holiday season!
It’s a dangerous recipe…you will want to eat an entire loaf in one sitting. Just warning you. 🙂 Merry Christmas Tammy!
http://emulsifiedfamily.simpleseasonallocal.com/recipes/bread/pumpkin-bread/
Oh dear Jennifer,
How transparent are your writings. How “real” are your thoughts to us;your readers & friends.
How precious are those hand-written recipes that you get to enjoy & delight your soul!
May Christ continue to use your brokenness the defect His Brilliance through to all!
Christ’s love to your heart & home!
Marilee
I do love the handwritten recipes and am so glad to have them. 🙂
Hey baby girl. I miss her too especially during this season. The pain gets a little less, but the questions still come. Every year I think about grandma greenfield and your mom and want to tell them so many things. How the boys are, see how much they’ve grown and call your mom just to get the missing cookie and pumpkin bread recipe to make her laugh. My continued prayers are with you. I am here for you always if you ever need to talk.
I love you, love Aunt Karen
Haha…every year…That’s funny!
I think this might be the first year I haven’t gotten a call from a certain cousin asking for the recipe because she couldn’t find it. Love you!
We do miss our parents so very much. Thanking God for all the wonderful and happy memories. Hope you ,Tom and the girls have a very Merry Christmas. Enjoy your time with family in Cali. Weather here in northern Cali is 60 degrees I don’t know about southern Cali . It will be time for you to just relax and enjoy.
Yes! So thankful for the memories. Today it’s 36 degrees here, so we will definitely enjoy the warmer weather on our trip!! Merry Christmas!
Christmas is a time so ripe with emotions and it’s difficult when our loved ones aren’t there but oh for the precious memories! I’m so glad you have sweet memories to share and recipes to pass down to your children. I’m sorry you have been hurting. I’m finding the colder weather is contributing to the pain level. Advil helps for the minor aches but I have Tramadol like you. I don’t like taking it and don’t want to depend on it. Have you tried using DoTerra’s Deep Blue rub or something like Biofreeze? They really have helped me with aching bones. Just a thought. I keep praying for you and I want you to know I will continue. I just found out last night that another of my breast cancer friends I’d met on the internet is in the last stages of death. I’ve lost 4 internet breast cancer friends this year and each and every one is so hard to accept. I know God knows the number of days he’s allotted to us and we have to hold on to that. I am a firm believer that my faith is sustaining me and my choice of using alternative healthy choices instead of all the medicines regularly pushed for cancer treatment. Each of us has to do what’s right for us and I pray God’s given you wisdom to know the best course of treatment for you. Have a Merry, Merry Christmas and savor each second with your loves. Keeping you lifted up… Bonnie
I have tried the Deep Blue from DoTerra but I don’t think it helped. Plus when it’s my whole body that hurts, it’s not really practical to put it everywhere. Plus can you imagine how I would smell if I did??? 🙂
Have you received your new compression machine? Is it working better????
Merry Christmas!
Holidays are especially hard. For years I couldn’t stand to go in a grocery store at Christmas because of the Christmas music. My mom worked in the bakery and it made me so sad. So wonderful u you have happy memories and recipes to pass on. I have a few of my mom and grandmother’s recipe cards and they are so special to me. Looking forward to making more memories when you all get here soon. Love You!! Hope you’ll feel better soon.
Only 6 days… 🙂
I understand my friend. I am praying!!!
Love you and Merry Christmas!
I know you do! Merry Christmas my friend!
Dear Jennifer, One Christmas your sweet Mom gave me a beautiful Angel made out of a handkerchief with a wonderful story attached. It is one of my treasured ornaments and always reminds me of her cherished friendship to me. Years ago I started an ornament collection and my darling Mama would give me a new ornament every year. Each was in a special box with a hand written note enclosed. As I read your blog I knew exactly how you are feeling. When I trim our tree a wonderful flood of memories come pouring back to me and give me joy. Your sweet Mom is a part of that Joy. Love you!
Oh Patti – thank you for sharing that with me! Merry Christmas!
Tears welled up as I read your post today, Jennifer. I, too, have recipes in your mom’s handwriting. I smile and cry at the same time whenever I see them. Today I found her Stuffed French Toast recipe. We made crepes for a while, too, before we decided they were way too much work. But my favorite memory of her cooking is how she would laugh about her spaghetti pie because your dad loved it, but it had cottage cheese in it, which he hated! She always thought that was hilarious! I think she may be hearing your girls play with Jim even now. She know how much we love you. You will always be family.
Haha! I remember that too about the Spaghetti Pie. So funny!! I forgot about the Stuffed French Toast. Wish I had the stuff to make it this morning! That sounds yummy. 🙂