I was browsing through social media today and was reading a post of an author I follow.  She is just getting over COVID. She was describing how she felt for the past 2 weeks and was so thankful to be feeling better.  I am so happy for her and am thankful she could deal with it at home and didn’t have to go to the ER.

But it’s not fair…so many of her symptoms, many of the ones she said were the worst she had felt her entire life, and how hard it was because it was so many days in a row, I deal with every day.  That is my life…for the rest of my life. 

When is it my turn to feel better? Why do so many people get to feel better and get back to normal and I don’t? It’s not fair.

I know. Life’s not fair But it’s hard to see people get sick and get better while I just sit here sick all the time!

Why am I taking medicines that make me miserable and require more medicine or supplements just to tolerate them? So I can lay in bed and watch TV all day? So I can have a few moments each day with my family? So I can look around at all the things I could be doing if I didn’t have Stage IV cancer?  What do You want from me God?? The tears won’t stop today.

In case you haven’t figured it out yet. I’m having a really hard day(s). No,  I’m not going to kill myself. Please don’t start texting Tom to go in and check on me.  He knows what’s going on. But this is part of the journey….watching others get sick and then get better,  while I remain sick. When do I get to feel better?  The answer?  When we find a cure for cancer, the Lord takes me home to Heaven, or the Lord returns for all of His believers.  I am ready anytime Lord. Just waiting on You…

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