I have been having severe back pain since Tuesday morning.  I rested all day Tuesday and got some pain meds and a muscle relaxer form the Nurse Practitioner, which did nothing.  That afternoon when I looked into the mirror, I noticed my entire upper body was shifted to the right and I couldn’t stand up straight.

Had the cancer returned to my spine?

Of course that is what I immediately thought.

I’m not sure how to not go straight to that, but HELLO!!!! My body was crooked and that has never happened before.

Well…turns out I am fine.  After seeing the Dr. and getting an x-ray, it appears that my muscles are causing my spine to shift, so back to Physical Therapy I go.  I had a massage therapy appointment on Friday and while that was painful, it relieved enough pain so I could start some stretches and exercises.

Tom and I had to make the tough decision for me to stay home this weekend while he took all 3 girls to a Sport Stacking competition. I had been practicing with our 10 year old and we had decided to compete in the parent/child doubles this year for the first time. 🙁  But there was no way I could physically do that, or go sit in the bleachers in a gym all day long.  I could hardly even sit on the sofa for a few minutes.  I look forward to hearing all about it soon!

I get so frustrated with myself for thinking immediately that the cancer has returned.  It’s not on my mind often, as I have been feeling great.  However, I still feel like my head is in a cloud when it comes to all things cancer related and that everything I went through was like a bad dream.  It’s so strange.

When cancer is on my mind, lately it’s been because of someone else.  This week a friend I met online in a prayer group went home to be with the Lord.  She was diagnosed with cancer AFTER I was.  I am thankful she is no longer suffering, but I will miss her encouragement and advice.

Why her and not me? That probably sounds like a strange thing to say, but I think it often.  I know the answer…everything is in the hands of God and that was part of His plan…but I still wonder.

This week, I also prayed for 2 women going through surgery for breast cancer.  My heart breaks for them and their loved ones as I know how hard it is.

Also this week, I was so blessed by a friend from church who is currently in her own cancer battle, who brought our family a few dinners (and chocolate) while I was unable to do anything for a few days.

This was kind of a random update today, but that’s what is going on in my journey…here I sit in a very quiet house…thankful for another day the Lord has given me and remembering that He has a plan, even in the pain.

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