The last few days have been really hard. Even though I’m sleeping a full night and sleeping well, I wake up and I’m still so tired. Yesterday I took three naps and really was not out of bed much. Today I was so weak I was out of bed even less. I needed to take a shower, and was so concerned about falling that I had Tom in there with me the whole time just to be safe.
Even on slow-acting and fast-acting morphine, I had severe body aches today. My temperature crept up a few tenths of a degree which made me a little nervous. But it is back down to normal now. Because of the virus, I’m going to be keeping a close eye on it.
I have three mouth sores, but with the steroid mouth rinse I’m using, I’ve been able to stop them from getting worse, and no more have shown up in the past few days. I’m managing my super dry mouth pretty well and just dealing with the horrible taste in my mouth all the time.
I’m struggling to eat because all food just sounds horrible to me. I drank a few Ensures today and did have some meatloaf, mashed potatoes and carrots for dinner.
Tonight I took the 6th full dose of the new chemo pill. About 20 minutes after that the doctor returned my call and recommended cutting the dose back in half again to see if we can fix some of these problems. We also adjusted my pain meds a little.
On top of feeling just absolutely horrible, I’m struggling with being a mom. Tom is amazing. He gets up every day, takes care of all the food in our home, works from the front room and takes care of all our needs. The girls are not motivated to do a whole lot. If I was a healthy Mom, I would be up doing things with them and motivating them to do stuff. I just can’t and I hate it so much. I know I need to show myself grace, but I’m really struggling. I need my girls to be up and doing some more, but I don’t know how to do that when I can’t get myself out of bed. It’s so hard to be laying here in bed and listening to Tom do things all around the house all day long. I feel so useless. I know my body is fighting to live. I get that. But how do I just lay here? I have no choice right now, but it’s killing me.
I’m sorry you’re feeling frustrated. It makes complete sense. I pray that you feel better in the days ahead and have more energy. I’m sending you lots of hugs and love!
Oh Jen I am so sorry you are struggling, I feel the pain in your words. You have a very amazing husband who loves you and the children very much. We are all grateful for him. My prayers are always with you. Praying for more energy to spend with your family and God will send His healing white light to you with much comfort.
Thanks for sharing what you are working through my friend! Will be praying specifically for those things for you! ((virtual hugs)) to you!! Love you lots!
Praying for you & your family tonight
My heart breaks for you Jennifer. So hard.
Good to hear from you. Praying for you.
Keeping all of you in my prayers…
Jennifer, I hear your heart through your words. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time right now. Your concern for your husband is so evident. He loves you very much. Talking to the girls and telling them what you need them to do might help. I will be praying for all of the need you mentioned. I am so thankful you are continuing to fight. I know it is so hard you are very tired. God be your strength in the days ahead. Remember in his word he tells us his strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. Love you my friend.
So sorry you feel so tired. Still praying for you and wished I could do something more for you. We are all in isolation so can feel that with you. Lots of hugs and love to you.
Jennifer, I’m so sorry that you are struggling so. It is very hard to feel so helpless. Crying out to the Lord for you and your family,that the girls will be self motivated and helpful, for strength, wisdom and God’s grace for Tom and strength and peace for you. You are so very blessed as I’m sure you know, to have such a loving and caring husband.
Love,
Jan
Oh Jennifer.. so much love your way.. I completely get how your feeling, though I pray your brain realizes you’re doing the absolute best you can and that’s all that can be asked of you.. love and prayers to you.
We are so very sorry you are having such big struggles. Praying your pain will let up and that you will be able to get up out of bed for just A little bit.
Praying the Lord will give you strength and peace as you fight this battle. God bless Tom for being such a wonderful, loving Husband and Dad. I pray God will comfort your husband and daughters during these difficult days. I pray that your girls will find themselves motivated by the Spirit to help out wherever needed. God bless and protect you and your family.