It’s been a while…sorry for the lack of updates. I’ve been hesitant to write a post as I don’t want to come across as complaining. I also know my brain is in a bit of a fog and I’m not sure how coherent a post would have been a few days ago. 🙂 My brain has started to work again (off and on) and I have been able to get out of the house a little bit, although it makes me a little anxious. Home is just the most comfortable place to be right now.
My appetite is back, so eating and drinking are not a problem, although not much still sounds good to eat. Unfortunately, plain water and coffee both taste horrible to me. WHAT???? So instead of coffee with half and half every morning, I’m now “enjoying” some herbal tea. 🙁 Lattes and juice are still yummy. Thank goodness. 🙂
I’m still dealing with side effects and trying to figure those out. I’m not sure what happened last night, but I had a huge anxiety attack that came out of no where – totally unlike me. It left me pretty much paralyzed in bed. It was crazy. I was tired of not sleeping, so I think I might have weaned off my steroid too fast…not sure if that caused it. The Dr. on call didn’t think so, but who knows. I took some anxiety medicine last night which helped and I was able to sleep. However, because of that, I’ve been pretty out of of it today and couldn’t drive or think clearly. But at least I’m able to function somewhat. I’ve never experienced anything like that before. It was crazy! Glad that’s over…
Today I’ve been sitting down most of the day as I’m super dizzy. I’ve been dizzy off and on for the past week and the anxiety med. from last night definitely made it worse. I’m not sure what drug is causing it overall….the list of drugs is very long and it’s a side effect from every one. So today I’ve moved a load of laundry from the dryer to the kids’ rooms, moved laundry from the washer to the dryer, organized addresses for our Christmas cards on the computer and organized a few tubs in my closet……and that’s it. Super productive day. When I have days like this, I find myself just sitting in my favorite chair and staring across the room. It’s strange. There’s just not a lot I can focus on right now. During the times my brain is working well, I struggle with it and wish I could be more productive. Other times, I just don’t care. Today I just don’t care. 🙂
The Lord is still allowing challenges besides my health to pile on and we are overwhelmed many days. Sometimes Tom and I just look at each other without words…unsure of what to say or do, but still trusting that God is in control in the midst of what feels like total chaos with everything totally out of our control.
I’m trying to not get discouraged, but it’s a daily fight, sometimes even a minute by minute fight. Each day is new and it’s a surprise how I will feel when I wake up. I know my body is still getting used to the chemo pills and the drugs I am taking so my body can handle those pills. The nausea is under control. My bowels….well it seems to be back and forth between diarrhea and constipation. I would guess I will settle into some sort of normal as my body adjusts to the medicine. I have been on it for a total of 3 weeks now, but only 2 of those have I really been able to eat a normal diet.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. (My house smells so good right now, because even in the midst of chaos and total exhaustion, Tom wants to cook the entire Thanksgiving dinner.) Tomorrow, my Aunt and Uncle and 4 friends are coming over for dinner. With how horrible I have been feeling, I was not up to company all week, so my Dad ended up not coming up for Thanksgiving. I am thankful for his understanding, but am sad about it and we’ll miss him and Else tomorrow.