I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that on Wednesday, I start Chemo.
Over the weekend, we enjoyed time with friends and family in our home, I took the girls out to get pedicures, we went to church as a family, the girls went to a birthday party, we enjoyed time together and got frustrated at the kids because THEY DON’T STOP TALKING . . . you know . . . normal life as a family.
What’s not normal is the changing of the guard. . . Tom switching over to taking care of meals, bills, etc. It’s funny how organized I thought I was with all our bills until I had to sit down and explain it (or attempt to) to him. I offered to run to the store today since he was going to work, but he nicely said he needs to start doing things now so he can ask questions if he needs to. For the past 20 years I have tried so hard to take things OFF his plate and support him and his career in any way I can. He’s commented a few times that he only is where he is today in his job because of my support at home. But now I am giving everything back. That’s really hard. I can tell he’s concerned about what the future looks like. It’s killing me!
What’s not normal is going to the eye Dr. for a routine check up and having to tell him you have Stage 4 breast cancer and start chemo on Wed. When I told my dental hygienist last week I really caught her off guard and felt bad. So at least I paused for a second before just telling this Dr. How do you tell people, even doctors and nurses? It’s just horrible.
What’s not normal is hearing so many people tell me how “I’ve got this” and how strong I am and how I’m going to make it through because they know someone that has. The part so many don’t get is that the person they knew with breast cancer was not Stage 4. Any other stage and it’s not a death sentence. Sage 4 . . . well, I’m going to be dealing with this for the REST OF MY LIFE unless God chooses to heal me. There is no cure. So, no I don’t “got this,” but thankfully God does.
UPDATE 2 hours later – The oncologist just called and I was able to ask him all my questions. Yes there is no cure, but he said that so many statistics out there for Stage 4 patients are not only for older patients, but for those where it has spread to a much larger area. He said that it’s good that only a small part of my disease is Stage 4. He said our goal is for long term remission.
Tomorrow is my last day of “normal”. Although going shopping with a friend for a wig and having blood drawn from my fancy new port doesn’t really seem normal either. But at least it’s the last day I can say I’m chemo free for a while.
I guess today really is my last day of normal. Fun . . . flu shots for the girls, latte for me while waiting for an Eye Dr. appointment and now at home in a quiet house by myself.
One day at a time. . . trusting God for peace and rest as we adjust to a new normal starting Wednesday.
Ephesians 4:6-9
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Specific prayer requests:
- Sleep at night – our minds easily get the best of us when we are trying to sleep or if something (or a little someone) wakes us up early
- Taking one day at a time and not worrying about the future
- That my body will respond as well as possible to the Chemo on Wednesday. I go in at 9 am and have been told to plan on 4 1/2 hours the first time. 1 hour to talk and 3 1/2 hours for the infusion. The Dr. said that with the two Chemo infusions I am getting, nausea can be a problem, so we have a few medicines to battle that. The thought of throwing up all the time really scares me, so please pray for that!!
May this “season” be short…may you find the strength to do a “new normal” that will benefit your family, even as their “new normal” will last during this time…and, may you find the Lord able to sustain you all during this family trial. Others are lifting you in prayer, and the Lord Himself intercedes for you (Rom. 8:26-34) ♥
Sweetie, your writing is so honest. I know I would be as frightened as you are, so this is not a lecture. No matter how long we each live, it’s still too short. The more we pack into a day, the longer it seems when we look back at it. Just try to live for today. Get the most you can out of it. We’ll pray that the sick days are the short ones and the good days are the long ones! 🙂 The good days will add up to more than you expect. You might keep a thankfulness journal besides your blog, which will help you when you’re not having such a good day. You can do this TODAY. You can do this TONIGHT. God’s peace is our prayer for you, Jennifer. We are all your cheerleaders! And God is going through this WITH you. Our prayers are with you every morning, and we pray for the peace that passes understanding.
Great idea for the thankfulness journal and thank you for the encouragement Mom!
Praying with and for you and your family through this challenging time.
We appreciate that Tammy!
You are in my prayers, my friend. One day at a time…one moment at a time.
Thank you Amy. 🙂
Jennifer, You will be in my thoughts and prayers Wednesday as your continue your journey. Drink extra fluids before chemo, if you can. This helps to pass out its nasty effects quicker. Rest when you can. I had an MP3 player with my favorite hymns and songs on it. They were an encouragement and comfort when I most needed it. God bless you and your family!! May I friend you on facebook? I have a song I want to send you?
Thanks Karen. And yes, send me a friend request!
Thank your for listing your very specific prayer requests; that helps us to know how to best lift you and your family in prayer. Please continue to post specific requests throughout this journey so that we can bring those petitions before the Lord. As you know, we serve a loving and powerful God that wants to hear and answer our prayers!
Along with many others, I will be praying for you during your 1st chemo. treatment tomorrow.
Will do. Thanks for praying!
i remember the night before my fist chemo like it was yesterday, so unsure of everything and what was happening to me. I have a sister in law who is battling stage 4 breast cancer found some in lymph nodes and has the BRACA gene she will have a bilateral masetomy and a full hysterectomy. She has just finished round 4 of chemo with 2 more to go. God be with you tomorrow and always he won’t leave your side. Although I may have not been a stage 4 cancer sucks and scares the life out of you. I face the fear of it coming back again but God will be there then too
I’m doing fine now. Praying I stay that way tonight. The nurse was really great today when we had the labs done. 🙂 Her name was Kara.
Our prayers are with you, will be tomorrow and throughout your journey. Your excellent blogging is so helpful to know specifically how to pray, thank you for thaking the time.
Thanks Bobbie! Hope I can keep it up! 🙂
Hi Jennifer. I think maybe you remember us. Dick and I were friends of your parents way back in the 60’s. They are special to us. We are retired missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators. We retired only because Dick has had Parkinson’s for 20 years now. We are so glad that Sharon Daly forwarded your e-mail to us. Just be assured that someone in South Carolina is praying for you. Hopefully you will have people coast to coast praying. I want to see a picture of your whole family. Please send one. Love, diana
I do remember you, but it’s been a long time! 🙂 Just saw that you found a picture of the girls on my other blog. Thank you for praying and so glad to hear Aunt Sharon forwarded the email to you as I didn’t have an email address for you! 🙂