I’ve had a stomach ache all day. Yesterday I felt nauseous all day, and today just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that doesn’t go away. My mind just knows something is wrong, even if I feel fine. I hope that goes away as I get used to the idea. It still seems so foreign. I find myself just walking around the house, wondering what to do. (Part of that could also be that since the girls have been back in school for 4 days, the house is cleaner and I’m more organized . . .therefore I have less to do on the weekend.)

I went to workout this morning. It always challenges me. I love the friendships I have built with the women there. But of course my mind goes straight to wondering how long I will be able to keep going to it. Even just wondering if I can go the Wednesday after my biopsy next Monday. The silly things I wonder about!! I guess there’s always modifications as I need it.

I wonder how my Dad is doing with the news. He has lost 2 parents, 2 inlaws and a wife, all to different types of cancer. And now his daughter tells him she most likely has it? 19 hours is too far to be away from him right now . . .

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Finding out you have cancer is never easy.

Neither is finding out someone you love has cancer.

I will never forget sitting in the oncologist’s office in my early 20’s with my Mom and Dad finding out all the details of my Mom’s Ocular Melanoma. I remember asking the Dr. if it was hereditary and if I should be worried about getting it. He said it was not, but that 3 out of 4 people would be diagnosed with some sort of cancer in their lifetime.

I always figured one day I would get the news that I have cancer, I just never thought I would be 41 (41 and 1 day to be exact.)

In 2014, I found a lump in my right breast and had some swollen lymph nodes under my arm. I had a mammogram and ultrasound done and everything was clear. A friend told me she had similar issues but they were related to caffeine and when she cut that out, they went away. So I decided to give that a try and sure enough, they went away. The Dr. said they were nothing to worry about and I could drink caffeine and just know what would happen if I did.

I stayed off of it for a while, but eventually started drinking coffee again, as I missed having it in the morning. So a few months ago, when I noticed a lump in my other breast, I didn’t think much of it. In August I decided to ditch caffeine again so that it would go away and also made an appointment for a physical, since I hadn’t had one in a couple years.

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