I feel like I might sound like a broken record.


It’s horrible.

I’m really struggling with it, most of the day, everyday.

Sometimes it seems to come out of nowhere.

Sometimes I can’t even tell you what I’m anxious about.

Yesterday I ended up in a full blown panic attack, for the first time, where I could hardly breathe because I couldn’t calm down. That was scary. Fortunately Tom was right there with me. The nebulizer and Alprazolam helped.

My mind is powerful. Even thinking about what brought on the panic attack yesterday makes me tear up and makes my heart start beating quickly.

It was nothing new. Honestly it was just more of the same and how it’s affecting my family.

I feel like my new norm is just having this anxious feeling in my stomach all the time. I don’t know why. Nothing has changed.

I used a sleep app and some meds to help calm down this afternoon and woke up from my nap feeling calm again.

I had an appointment with my counselor late last week and she helped me understand exactly what my anti-anxiety medicine does in my body. It helps by lowering the level of adrenaline in my body so that I can think clearly. I still wish I didn’t need it but I’m thankful that that medicine is available to help me during this hard time right now.

In other news, chemo went great today and I was in and out of the infusion center quicker than I ever have been. That was nice. It was also a beautiful sunny day!