I don’t think about cancer every day.
I don’t look in the mirror at my short hair and every time, wish chemo hadn’t taken away my hair.
I don’t stop Tom when he talks about planning vacations in the future.
As time passes, thoughts and feelings change and I’m thankful for that.
However, when a checkup with the oncologist and an infusion come up on the calendar, it’s a bit different.
I wasn’t worried or anxious about my appointments on Wednesday, but I just really, really, really did not want to go. I picked out my favorite outfit, took a few extra minutes on my hair and makeup…because if I was going to go to these appointments that I really didn’t want to go to, I was at least going to feel good about how I looked!
The appointments were fine. Nothing new to report. I enjoyed catching up with the nurses in the infusion center, hearing about my Oncologist’s kids, and was even able to visit a friend in the hospital while I waited for blood work to come back. But I still didn’t want to be there. There are so many memories as I walk around the facility. I’m enjoying living life with my family and not bouncing from appointment to appointment. I’d rather have been at home!
While I was chatting with my oncologist, I did find out that I have one more bone strengthening infusion in 3 months and then those move to every six months. I asked if the checkups with the doctor did to, and he said no…not until 2020. Ugh. I guess that’s good. But Ugh! His response was similar to when I asked if I only had to take the hormone blocking pill for 10 years…and he said it would probably be for the rest of my life. Those are the moments that remind me I’m Stage 4. 🙁 Those moments don’t happen often, but they do occasionally…and I really hate the number 4…and cancer.
I’m thankful that my life is in the Lord’s hand and that I’m not just a Stage IV breast cancer statistic. Today I feel great, the sun is out and I’m getting ready to watch our kids work on their science fair projects. Today is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! –Psalm 118:24
You’re a really fantastic writer!
Enjoyed this perspective.
No.4 is the new No.2 it stinks! Lol
Lol…thanks. 🙂
Yes, let us rejoice and be glad for every day. You are an inspiration to all who read your blog. Take care and have a wonderful summer
Thanks Patty! You too!
Thanks for the update, praying with you!
Thank you Bobbie!
Thank you Jennifer for taking the time to write these things. You are such a blessing and I appreciate your life before God. You are such a great example for everyone. God has brought you through this far and He is with you all the way. I continue to pray for you.
Thank you for the encouragement Alaire. 🙂
Yup, you said it well 🙂 not about being untethered, but about having to “check in” to see if you get to remain untethered…it’s part of the “new normal” that is the “unhappy” part of cancer treatment…what it just reminded me now of is that we have a more serious responsibility to “check in” with our Creator, and sometimes we can see that as an “unpleasant” part of life, but the reality is that He’s a God who blesses obedience, and I don’t know if that helps with the temporary unpleasantness (I hope you hear that I completely get it…not that my metastasis has shown up anywhere and so, I’ve not been told the “for the rest of your life” part)…but I just wanted to encourage you that through this part of your life, the Lord has this under control and I pray that each time you go, He will bless you not only with His peace, but His bountiful grace which is sufficient to meet the “not again” feeling that’s sure to try and plague and bring you a “tethered” sense each time. I’m still glad to call you my port sister and consider that, among other, one of my blessings that’s come from my cancer.
Such a great reminder! Thank you!
Giving thanks today that you no longer think about cancer every single day. Giving thanks that all numbers are normal and you do get to enjoy a normal afternoon with the girls. Giving thanks today that you walked through the valley and made it out into the sunlight. Praise God!
Much love to you my warrior friend!
Thank you my friend! Miss you!
Think of you guys so often. Thankful for your posts and the chance to stay connected with bits and pieces of what’s happening. Love to you and Tom.
Thanks Shannon!
I’m thankful that no matter what, you always keep a positive attitude! Your faith is evident in all you say and do. All praises to God that you’re still here on planet Earth and you’re still able to be there for your littles and your hubby. As a fellow survivor, I know that many days are difficult and it takes a lot of effort to push through, but it’s so refreshing to know God is still in control and He’s allowing us to go through this for His purposes. One day, when we get to heaven, we can ask all our questions and understand a little more of why He chose this divine trial of breast cancer to refine us and make us more like Christ. Until that time, we have to be diligent and continue to walk as He leads, trusting Him every step of the way. I know you’re doing just that! Thank you for sharing part of your life with us. Continuing to pray for you daily, Jennifer. Love and prayers, Bonnie
Thank you so much Bonnie.
I keep telling you that you are such a strong young women. You just keep proving it over and over again . You are truly a
Inspiration to all who know you . God bless you .