I don’t think about cancer every day.

I don’t look in the mirror at my short hair and every time, wish chemo hadn’t taken away my hair.

I don’t stop Tom when he talks about planning vacations in the future.

As time passes, thoughts and feelings change and I’m thankful for that.

However, when a checkup with the oncologist and an infusion come up on the calendar, it’s a bit different.

I wasn’t worried or anxious about my appointments on Wednesday, but I just really, really, really did not want to go.  I picked out my favorite outfit, took a few extra minutes on my hair and makeup…because if I was going to go to these appointments that I really didn’t want to go to, I was at least going to feel good about how I looked!

The appointments were fine.  Nothing new to report.  I enjoyed catching up with the nurses in the infusion center, hearing about my Oncologist’s kids, and was even able to visit a friend in the hospital while I waited for blood work to come back.  But I still didn’t want to be there.  There are so many memories as I walk around the facility.  I’m enjoying living life with my family and not bouncing from appointment to appointment.  I’d rather have been at home!

While I was chatting with my oncologist, I did find out that I have one more bone strengthening infusion in 3 months and then those move to every six months.  I asked if the checkups with the doctor did to, and he said no…not until 2020.  Ugh.  I guess that’s good.  But Ugh!  His response was similar to when I asked if I only had to take the hormone blocking pill for 10 years…and he said it would probably be for the rest of my life.  Those are the moments that remind me I’m Stage 4. 🙁  Those moments don’t happen often, but they do occasionally…and I really hate the number 4…and cancer.

I’m thankful that my life is in the Lord’s hand and that I’m not just a Stage IV breast cancer statistic.  Today I feel great, the sun is out and I’m getting ready to watch our kids work on their science fair projects. Today is the day the Lord has made.  Let us rejoice and be glad in it!  –Psalm 118:24

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