I’m happy to report that my pain pump is working well. It seems to be the right dose now and I hardly have to take any oxycodone or use the extra medicine from the pain pump. Once we get through the refill process and things seem ok, we’ll start talking about taking another patch off.
Tomorrow, Wednesday, I have an appointment at 1 pm to have my pain pump refilled. I know the procedure and what is coming , but I’ll be honest, I’m very scared. I’m scared about pain. Even though the Dr. says I shouldn’t have any pain from the refill, I am very scared. Ever since my time in the hospital in severe pain, my brain thinks about things differently. I’m struggling with severe anxiety, about everything. I felt so out of control in pain for so long, I’m afraid of that happening again.
Today I made appointments for my bone scan and CT scan to see if this current chemo is working. So now I’ve added scanxiety to my thoughts. In the next 3 weeks, I’ll be going to chemo, getting my pain pump refilled and having 2 big scans. After we know the results, we’ll have some big decisions to make. That is what lies in front of me.
This past week, I’ve been hiding out in my room watching TV and sleeping a lot (or trying to) because I am struggling with everything going on in my mind. I’m trying to live in the moment, but am completely and utterly failing, I’ve had to take some extra anxiety medicine to help calm down. I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer asking the Lord to help me not to worry and to take one moment at a time. I’m failing though and not sure what to do. So I’m hiding.
Tom is taking me to have my pain pump refilled tomorrow. I’m glad he’s able to be there with me. Then my CT is on July 2nd and my bone scan I scheduled for late July accidentally, so I have to reschedule that tomorrow.
So just a quick report tonight. Sorry it’s such a downer. Life is hard. Thanks for continuing to pray with us and thanks for checking in on us.
I read this prayer at the close of my Bible Study tonight, so I will share. We continue to pray for you, dear friend. Sending you love and strength.
(inspired by Mark 4:35-41)
“Mighty God, who speaks a word of peace to calm our troubled sea;
Caring God, who nudges us away from fear and toward faith;
Ever-present God, who fills us with awe
but also raises many questions
without easy answers;
Open our eyes to see you in our boat—today,
Strengthen our hearts for the challenges that lie ahead,
Open our ears this hour to hear the word you speak.
This we pray, In Jesus’ name. Amen”
— posted on the Long Green Valley Church of the Brethren website. http://rockhay.tripod.com/
Jennifer, I am praying for you this morning. Please know that you are not failing. You are facing issues that many of us will never experience but you have not shut God out, so you have not failed. You continue to seek Him, to voice your worries and I believe you do trust Him. Still, all of this is hard, and the unknowns of the future are hard, the what if’s are hard. So don’t be hard on yourself. You are so loved. I pray that the Holy Spirit would wash over you with a sense of calm as you face all of the upcoming appointments and procedures. Hugging you in my heart. Wendy
Jennifer, please keep sharing as you can. We are here to pray for all things and to love and support you no matter what is happening. I will continue to pray for peace of heart and mind, relief from pain, and smooth procedures.
Sending you lots of love,
Shanna
Thank you for the update, I will be praying for all your upcoming appointments and most of all for your heart and mind, and for your family in all of this. With love, Priscilla
“Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:14-16
Thank you for being transparent, Jennifer. I’m so very sorry that you are in such pain. I pray for your pain to be relieved and for you to be able to get a restful, pain free sleep tonight. Please know you, Tom and your girls are always on top of my prayer list.
Oh Jennifer.. I can not thank you enough for sharing. Even in your pain and struggle you are bringing so much to so many of us. I will continue to pray for strength, comfort and peace for you and your family. So much love to you.
Thank you for letting us know how to specifically pray for you.
Psalm 46:10
You are dearly loved along with your family.
I feel good as I read this. The prayers are being answered, so slowly, but just on time in His way. Thank you Jesus.
I would like to come over and just sit with you and listen to you, because sharing your anxieties helps. I work every day so I don’t get time. But do you think it would help to just talk to someone trustworthy about it and be with you? I pray that God will walk along aside of you in a way that you can feel his presence and can listen to what he already knows and you can find comfort in that. And I pray He relieves your fears and anxieties and heals you.
Jennifer, our prayers are for you. Praying for things to be easy for your refill. Praying for anxiety will be lessened. Praying for calmness for you . God will be with you . ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Jennifer, You are not failing at anything. Your faith is evident as you continue to seek God in all things and trusting in Him in the midst of this trial. Thank you for being real and transparent through it all. You are an inspiration to many. It is overwhelming to look too far ahead. Take it one moment at a time relying on His strength and grace to see you through. We continue to pray on all fronts.
Love, Jan
Dear Jennifer, Know you’re in my prayers always, even though I don’t reply to each post. You are so brave, even though your mind is squirrely right now. I’m sorry for all the anxiety, but praise God the pain pump is working. Will continue to hold you and your beautiful family in prayer during all your next appointments, knowing God holds you dear and is much greater than we can imagine. I am trusting Him to care for you and fill your mind with His peace that surpasses all understanding when you need it most.
With love and prayers, Nancy