I REALLY thought that after active cancer treatments were over, things would just get back to normal.
That is so far from reality.
I had no idea.
There is a new normal, but it’s very different than before.
One of my girls asked me if I thought about cancer every day. I guess the answer would be yes…and no. I don’t think about it in the same way as when I was going through active treatments, but it’s still in the back of my mind. I wonder if and when that will change???
I called Tom crying this morning as my body was throbbing so much and I was having a moment of worry that the pain might be from cancer instead of a side effect from a hormone blocking pill. (I’m on day 3 of no pill, praying and waiting that the bone pain will stop soon.)
I had a good cry and spent time in prayer after I got off the phone with him.
This new normal is much harder than I thought it would be.
However, in the midst of pain this week, I have seen God’s grace. He has graciously lifted the pain for a few hours each evening while I worked at VBS. Last night, my acting skills were tested as I was hurting at the beginning, but didn’t want that to show on stage. The pain went away shortly and I was able to stay, although I did sit down a bit more than usual. Thank you for everyone who has been praying specifically for my pain during VBS each evening!
Thinking about life after cancer treatments, I guess I just want people to know that the struggle continues long after treatment ends…struggles with worry, with maintenance and preventive medications and the side effects that come with them, with fatigue, with a different looking body, with changes in your body that are a result of surgery or very strong drugs and with daily giving fears over to God.
Thanks for being on this journey with us. Apparently, it’s a much longer journey than we had originally thought it would be.
Jennifer thank you for your blog. I am praying for you and our church is too. May God comfort you and give you the grace and strength that you need each day. Love you.
Thanks for making VBS fun for the kids! I appreciate all of the mental & physical effort it takes everyone involved, but especially appreciate the grace you’ve exemplified while dealing with the extra circumstances in your life!
It’s a privilege to prayer for you!
Praying you will get relief from your pain. You should never forget how very strong of a young women through all of these obstacles in your life. Take care Jennifer .
Bless you, my dear friend for your life of pain before us. May God our Father take the pain upon Himself!
I think the tough thing with this “new normal” is that there was a predetermined time for the other steps – how many chemotherapy sessions, radiation treatments and surgery – all “in a box” as it were…this is more “daily” (and, when in pain…minute by minute/hour by hour) and no prescription how long/how many/etc. At least, this is one of my issues with the new normal…and the other is, “why is my body doing that now?” – not really being able to “know” my own body any more, and trying to figure what the “new normal” really means. But, I remind myself that even though I don’t know, the Lord does…the verse reminding us to ask God for wisdom is a key one for me, because I know that He knows what’s going on and what I can do/try to do and what’s best left for others to do. And, He requires the same from us, as His own – to deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily, and follow Him. Don’t forget, dear sister, that He was unable to carry His own cross; the Father, in His Sovereignty, provided Him help…it’s the direction of our hearts and He’s ALWAYS, ONLY after that…through our physical weakness, His Grace is sufficient ♥ Praying for you, as you “flesh” that out in your life! I enjoyed hearing how He provided during your VBS service…thank you, especially, for this blog ♥ many hugs today (have your girls and Tom give them to you for me, ok?)
Oh my darling Jennifer. I’m so sorry you have so much pain. Guess I thought things would be different after all the treatment. Praying God will give you better days and that your pain will go away. I love you and miss you.